2-4-1 Pornstar Martini’s and everything else a basic white girl spends her student loan on

We’re a dying species in edgy Leeds


When you're surrounded by edgy Leeds students with their muddy white trainers and flares, spending endless dollar to uphold the basic white girl image is no longer a laughing matter. It's survival.

Without us, who would keep the glitter trend going? Who would keep Boohoo in business? And who would drink all the overpriced, but aesthetically pleasing, cocktails?

The battle between edgy Leeds VS basic white bitch must continue, so keep blasting through that loan gals! Besides, what else are you gonna spend your overdraft on…

Image may contain: Smile, Portrait, Face, Person, People, Human

Velvet everything, basic always

Owning eight different pairs of hoops because each one has it's own purpose

There's the mini silver hoops for the everyday – cba to change my earrings – look. Then the medium goldies to wear with your gold hardwear bag, because mixing metals causes deep distress for all. And then the classic "bigger the hoop, bigger the hoe" pair, which you reserve for Fruity because you're pretty sure Gavin wouldn't appreciate them for your 9am Monday seminar. But then, when it comes to date night, you're not sure whether to go with the full hoe or "I'm a lady, with a hint of hoe" hoops.

Image may contain: Woman, Girl, Female, Blonde, Person, People, Human

Your choice of hoop dictates your future so remember those words of wisdom…

Locating the perfect scrunchie, and then buying another two packs because space buns have to be matching

You know when you find the perfect dusky pink scrunchie and then realise, oh shit, it's in a pack of three. No doubt, the other two will be a hideous forest green and some weird shade of beige. Seriously what is so hard about finding a decent colour combo? You buy two packs of three, just so you can have two pink scrunchies in your space buns and end up spending double the dollar.

Image may contain: Goggles, Back, Person, People, Human

New year, new stationary

A new semester of hell requires a new notebook, laptop cover and pencil case. You find an overpriced etsy site, because paperchase just isn't meeting your marble and copper needs, and order everything in basic pink with a cute inspo quote on the front cover.

When you're sat in Eddy B, hold on tight to that cute coffee mug while the library vultures shout at you for fulfilling your caffeine addiction. Seriously Susan, how am I supposed to write a 4,000 word essay on WATER?!

Even though your life is falling apart, you have matching stationary with a Ted Baker pencil case to remind you that the basic white girl image hides all flaws. That new notebook diguises the fact that you haven't actually read any book on the reading list, no matter how many times you write it in your To Do list.

Don't be fooled by our organisation, it's all a lie.

Fake tan – So. Many. Bottles.

Yes, it is 1 degree in Leeds. No, I will not wear tights to Mischief, when I have spent my precious time fake tanning these legs and abandoning the rest of my body because i'm not perfect. I'd rather pay for a taxi than wear tights and walk in the snow.

You buy mutliple fake tan mits because those things get disgusting if you don't replace them and then oops, there's a deal on St. Tropez instant tan and a mit so, OF COURSE you buy both. But at least the sports boys think you're a tanned godess.

Image may contain: Smile, Portrait, Face, Person, People, Human

Look at that bronzed glow

What's more basic than cocktails?

If you're gonna splash out on those new red trousers, you may as well give them a debut at cocktails with the girls. But we all know that 'cocktails' is code for let's take pics at a bar with neon lights and hipster aesthetic for a new insta post. Get those 2-4-1 Pornstar Martini's, smash an insta out and then let the dollar bills and alcohol flow.

Image may contain: Bottle, Cocktail, Alcohol, Cup, Drink, Beverage, Glass

Spoons pitchers are also 10/10 but not really the debut that your new outfit deserves.

Browsing Boohoo with a glass of Echo Falls, and accidentally hitting 'buy'

When does Boohoo and Missguided not have a sale? They lure you in with "70% Off" and "FREE next day delivery" and then suddenly you're spending £40 for clothes that you do not need. When they arrive, nothing fits, you hate everything but cba to send it back so your overflowing wardrobe is fed with even more shitty clothes.

Image may contain: Person, People, Human

Can't go wrong with a lace up body

But let's be real, you can't wear the same black crop top every night, gotta have some variety…

(please support me in justifying my uncontrollable spending.)

But we all know makeup is the real thief here

Image may contain: Woman, Girl, Female, Blonde, Person, People, Human

Can we just have a moment of silence for the absence of good drugstore highlighters? Like where are the dupes for Mac Mineralize Skinfinish and Becca's champagne pop? Every drugstore highlighter I've tried is chunky, glittery and rubs off after two seconds. Soooo, guess we'll just have to buy the real deal – adios Superdrug.

And adios to our student loans.

You will be missed.

The Tab Leeds

last seen today at 06:36

Get breaking Leeds news straight to your WhatsApp.

Find out about the latest insensitive socials, mad shit happening in Hyde Park, and maybe even how to navigate Roger Stevens. Straight into your DMs. 😘