Stop being a good person – it’s February now

REBECCA SHAPIRO on why New Year’s resolutionaries should shut up, put the weights down and eat a Big Mac.


January 1st brought with it the usual complaints of a sore head followed by the usual promises that 2014 would be the year of change.

Isn't the twitter world deep

In theory, there is nothing wrong with swapping life on the edge for a few sessions in The Edge.

But, there is a very real danger that this health kick could go too far. February is now here and enough is enough.

kale meme

This is why The Tab has taken it upon itself, for the sake of every student in Leeds, to put a stop to the tedious trend of exercising, working hard and instagramming overly healthy dishes that simply do not constitute #foodporn.

If it wasn’t obvious already, the following three reasons will explain why new years resolutionaries have gone too far:

Healthy foods are weird

It can only be assumed with the outbreak of the ‘new year, new me’ phenomenon that philosophy students have stopped questioning the meaning of life and started wondering what on earth chia seeds are for.

chia seeds

We all know where we stand with an Old Bar burger or a greasy Popina’s, but healthy foods are a different species altogether. A very scary species that are best avoided.

Detoxing is incompatible with the student lifestyle

Facebook should be filled with photos of happy youths pre-Fruity, so that outfits can be judged over a hungover cup of tea the next morning (ok, this point is more relevant to girls).

Simply put, there is nothing fun about photos of the gym or of muscles that are not nearly as big as your ego (boys – this one’s for you).

gym alone

Healthy people are annoying people

Students are notorious for being unhealthy, lazy binge drinkers. Defying this stereotype is not something that should be contemplated if one takes their status as a student seriously.

apple wedges

If the above Instagram isn’t enough to convince you then what is?

there i said it