‘How could she be broke, that’s what SAAS is for?’: Overheard at Glasgow Uni

Glasgow Uni students have a certain image branded to us by other universities: Pretentious. Of course, this is not always the case, but there are certainly moments where we’ve all had to check ourselves after we say something, or our friends say something, or the random person sat next to you in the JMS says something. Here’s the next instalment of what you’ve overheard on the Glasgow Uni campus.

‘Who hasn’t got a myWaitrose card?’

“Hash browns are 100 per cent better than tattie scones.”

“I’m going to dress as a chav for Halloween”, but said with a rah accent.

“Ugh I wish I had a job like you, I’d love to have some spare money…”

“I’ve drunk so much I can’t feel my teeth.”

“Who cares about uni? I’m going to be a stripper anyway” (fresher in the learning hub).

‘We need some loner alpha men on our dodgeball team.’

“I could never stay sober on a Tuesday! Sober Wednesdays are where it’s at!!”

“I believe in morality but, like… only when it affects me.”

“I don’t see the point in espresso so just have a bump of coke it does the same thing.”

‘I don’t understand why people moan about the cost of living, like, it costs nothing to live.’

“Just skip class, it’s not like it counts anyway.”

“Boyd Orr is a hate crime to my eyes.”

‘I’d tongue anyone with the episode II Anakin haircut, regardless of their relation to me.’

“English people suck”

“Wait, you don’t have a trust fund?”

“Spit game or leave.”

“£7 for an IPA is actually pretty decent!”

‘I’m not taking the bins out because I just don’t do that.’

“Ugh she stays in Murano, that’s so povvo…”

“I always have the worst wifi because my house is so big!!”

‘Glasgow is so safe because there’s no gun violence!’, said by an American

“I need a bay window in my flat.”

“Sorry, I can’t I have work tomorrow.” “What, like, for fun?”

“You’re the first person I’ve spoken to who did a gap year PROPERLY.”

‘Oh my god, you have a job? That’s so CUTE.’

“I won’t be friends with them if they aren’t from a private school.”

“Ugh, I have to get a job.” “Why?”

“Is it gay to give a guy a blowjob?”

‘Wow, your fake tan looks amazing!!’ (I’m from the Philippines)

“How far away is this gaff?”, said some fella that took the number two from Partick to Merchant City.

“How could she be broke, that’s what SAAS is for?”

“Sorry, I can’t. I have to go home for reading week to water my parents’ plants.”

“Yeah, I would shag that lecturer but only because he reminds me a bit of my ex.”

‘I’m so jealous that you get the maximum student loan.’

“I’m only going to Hive to kiss someone then I’ll leave.”

“Thank god Halloween is soon, I miss slutty dresses.”

“Then, he CANCELLED HIS PRET SUBSCRIPTION without consulting me.”

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• ‘People make fun of me because of how much money I have: Overheard at Glasgow Uni

• Six ways you’ve saved money and time at Glasgow Uni using girl maths

• You’re not really a Glasgow Uni student if you haven’t done these 10 things