The WORST types of people in Glasgow Uni library
Ever found yourself compelled to violently attack the person sitting across from you in the library, carefully scanning the contents of your pencil case for the most aggressive looking piece of stationary? What's that, every day? Yeah, me too. Just so you know you're not alone, here is a comprehensive list of all the worst kinds of people that love to hang about the stairwells of the Glasgow Uni library:
1. SLOW WALKERS
Literally, move. I don't know what's going on with the shuffle shuffle one mile an hour snail's pace thing but literally CAN YOU NOT? You are the reason the stairs are rammed, you are the reason we're all late, you are the reason for everything bad that's ever happened ever. I know there's a lot of stairs and they're a struggle for even the fittest among us but do us all a favour and take the lift.
2. PEOPLE WHO TAKE THE LIFT FOR ONE FLOOR
Are you actually serious like do you KNOW how long it takes that lift to go anywhere? It's more frustrating and a helluva lot less funny than that Burnistoun lift sketch. You're an inconvience to the entire Glasgow Uni student body and unless you're on crutches, it's damned unacceptable.
3. SEAT SNAKERS
I mean, I'm like sitting here. All my stuff is here. This is a four person table, just cos your mate or your spotty boyfriend or WHOEVER is sitting here doesn't give you the right to drag extra chairs over and impede on my spot. You can stop with the PDA as well.
4. PEOPLE WHO USE LAPTOPS AT COMP SPACES
Babe your daddy bought you a £1200 Macbook air, the rest of us may not be as priviledged but we still deserve internet access. I can see you flicking the mouse every now and again trying to crack you're using both. I'm poor, not stupid. Shuffle your little gym bunny butt AWAY from the computer spaces PLS XOXO
5. PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE LIBRARY CARDS READY
I personally think you're more evil than general slow walkers. Like, you've had to show your card on entry every time you go in for three years now, why are you suddenly surprised? You should've had it out at the bottom of library hill, bitch. Fair enough, you forgot, but would you mind MOVING ASIDE and rummaging through your three day old packed lunch ELSEWHERE? Keep it accessible, people.
6. PEOPLE WHO SIT BESIDE BROKEN COMPS AND DON'T TELL YOU
Do you get some kind of perverted satisfaction from watching me struggle for 10 mins? Just tell me it's broken, better yet be a good neighbour and put a little sign on it and then you won't have to go through the ordeal I just went through ten more times today?
7. PEOPLE WITH REALLY ANNOYING LAUGHS
Look, I know that this is level 3 and discussion is encouraged. I've set up camp down here prepared for some babbling background buzz. I know that, I'm expecting it. I am not, however, expecting to here your annoying screechy laugh like a fire alarm making it totally impossible to concentrate or even think anything apart from ways to suffocate you. I mean sorry, but if I knew I laughed like that I'd try very hard to surround myself with very, very unfunny people.
8. PEOPLE WHO STAND TOO CLOSE AND BLOCK REVOLVING DOOR
Hey, you, you nearly got my £1 Greggs americano chucked over your back just now. Hint, if you're practically licking the revolving door, you're probably standing too close. Ok, maybe the door's just shit and it's not entirely your fault but I'm probably gonna hate you for it anyway.
9. REALLY LOUD MUSIC LISTENERS
Look at you with your jeans hanging round your knees and your annoying pouty, misunderstood expression. The people in the next booth can hear your shitty, stupidly loud excuse for rock music. There's no way you can possibly be doing any work with music that loud, you're literally just here because your flatmates hate you. Turn. It. Down. or at least put something decent on. PS wash your hair thanks.
10. PEOPLE WHO INCESSANTLY CHAT SHITE
Hi Jenny from Dundee who fancies Euan from Stats class, can you please stfu? As entertaining as it is I don't care who you pulled at Hive, I don't care that he hasn't texted you back and I definitely don't care that you've got really bad period acne. Please continue your mind numbingly boring conversation with your equally bored pal ELSEWHERE :))
The list goes on: people who take their shoes and SOMETIMES SOCKS off, people who take us plugs they're not using, people who leave their stuff at a space all day but don't show up, people who eat food that smells weird, you're all collectively the worst. Basically, sincerely, please just try and be a decent human being. Rant over.