The definitive list of all the people you met in Freshers’ Week

Joe, mate!


You met a lot of people in Freshers' Week. Some will be friends for life, others just for the night, and some not even for a second.

Very few people go into Freshers' with a firm idea of whom they want to meet. We all have an open mind but let's face it you'll meet a lot of people you'll regretting your phone number to on the first night out.

Here is the definitive list of all the people you most probably met in Freshers' Week:

The easy-going one you think is your best friend

Your parents have gone home after a long day of moving you in to your cramped bedroom. You realise you need actually need to buy bog roll now you no longer live at home.

On your way out you probably exchange some corridor small talk with this person. Little do they you know, you will be clinging onto them for the coming week, relying on them to fill your social calendars, grateful to have even one person to go out with on your first night.

The self-proclaimed drug dealer

Everybody knows the type. Roaming around the corridors, asking anyone in sight if they "wanna buy any pills", or if they "fancy a spliff". Despite only being dropped off by their parents a few hours ago, they are acting as though have been in the 'business' for years, but the stuff they are selling is probably crushed up paracetamol.

Nah come on it's tea, like normal tea we just saw you empty the bag

Nah come on it's tea, like normal tea we just saw you empty the bag

The one with the beard you can’t believe is only 18

You assume they are one of those 'mature' students, only to discover they are a couple of months your senior. You are gobsmacked to be talking to this MAN whilst you're about to buy alcohol for the very first time.

The big drinker (who ends up puking everywhere)

Alright, so everyone is excited to be going out in the big city for the first time, not having to creep back into their parents house and apologise to their neighbours about "all the noise" the night before, but not everyone seems to get it.

They sit at their debut pre drinks, heckling those playing Ring of Fire as they think it's "shit". They miserably torture themselves, swigging from a bottle of vodka, refusing to soften the blow with a mixer. When everyone is suitably drunk and ready to go out, they don't make into the club, having puked on their new flatmates trainers whilst queueing.

The big drinker (who makes you end up puking everywhere)

Alright, so everyone is excited to be going out in the big city for the first time, not having to creep back into their parents house and apologise to their neighbours about "all the noise" the night before, but not everyone seems to get it.

Don't sit there at pres, heckling those drinking their vodka with coke because you think it tastes "shit" whilst you miserably torture yourself, trying to impress the big drinker you are sat with. When the time comes to head to the club, you don't want to end up puking on their trainers whilst queueing.

You'll regret it when you have to live with them for the rest of the year.

The one you get stuck with all night whilst they only talk about their gap year

"So what kind of music do you -"

"Oh my god, so when I was in China, there was this super fun band…"

The one who everyone knows by the end of the first night

These people will hover around the room all night, saying a little to a lot of people in order to make themselves known. You know their name, but they definitely forgot yours.

The person who has had a tattoo for years and you think they’re the coolest person in the world

"But, we've only just started uni? Do your parents know?"

The cryer who doesn’t make it out

Seeing so many new faces can be stressful, especially when alcohol is involved. Emotions are on edge, awaiting a text reply that never comes, missing the comforts of your own home, unsure as to how so many people already know some of your darkest secrets after one round of a drinking game.

Before you know it, they're fighting through the tears, with at least two responsible people now unable to go out, as they feel obliged to stay in to comfort their new flat mate.

The mates from home who live together and don’t want to branch out

Wouldn't it just be easier if your mates from school were with you now? You would have less pressure on you to go and make new friends, or better still, you'd all make the same friends.

If you're not with them though, you're against them and they won't say a word to anyone but each other all night, cracking inside jokes that only they understand.

The really emotional drunk you meet outside the club and look after because they're a liability

"Well, I was in the queue with them ye? And then when we were queueing up for drinks and we got separated and now they've just stopped replying to me because they were meeting up with some people who I don't know. I literally f*cking hate them."

There, there

There, there

The courtyard smokers

You never talk to them. You just walk past them, every morning and every night for the entire year, exchanging perhaps a nod, but nothing more.

The quietest person you’ve ever met in your entire life to this day

When you arrive bang on 7pm for pre drinks, they'll be sat in the kitchen, eating chicken dippers, accompanied by a bottle of coke that hasn't been refrigerated (but they don't mind). No one else in the kitchen, very few words will be exchanged beyond the usual greetings, "hello, how are you?", "good, you?", "yeee, good."

The person you meet once and never see for the rest of uni

You have both lost your mates, are very drunk, and think you've found your soul mate. You keep seeing each other throughout the night, shouting each others names across the dance floor. You never get in touch again after that night.

The one who is but a child

They look young, they dress young and they act young. They're a bit wet behind the ears, and can't really do that much for themselves, but they so much smarter than all of us so…

The drop out who leaves after a week

You knew it wasn't going to go well for them when they refused to play Ring of Fire.

Your new flat mate who instates an overly ambitious cleaning rota on day one

Fuck off.

The poshest person. EVER.

Whilst everyone is sat there at with their bottle of Tesco's own vodka, they show up with Grey Goose, wearing their most colourful pair of corduroys and a checked Ralph Lauren shirt. They have an outrageously loud voice, and an even louder laugh. After a few drinks they will probably say something racist and will never be invited to pre drinks ever again.

The one who loves taking their top off

They will always find a time to do this. If their favourite song comes on they'll have their t shirt off and be flailing it above their head before you can even say "cunt".

The person who actually bought the wristband

They'll either be annoyed they are not getting their monies worth because nobody wants to pay for some of the events, or they'll be gloating that they are getting their monies worth whilst the rest of you have to pay.