I’m a southerner and I love Tennents
It’s arguably the greatest beer known to man
I’m about as southern as you can get.
I think grass rhymes with farce. I don’t understand the rules of Rugby League. The only time I’ve ever bought a pastie was at Greggs.
Anything that’s above Watford is ‘Up North’ to me.
I admit it I’m a walking stereotype.
One stereotype I don’t admit is this idea that southerners all drink pretentious beer. It’s like all northerners think they’re living in a Carling ad, while we’re spending every last penny that didn’t go towards our hugely inflated rent on home-brewed wheat beer made behind a tree on Hackney Fields.
When I came to Edinburgh I had never really heard of Tennents. I’d heard of Tennents Super – or rather seen it gripped in the hand of the guy who accosts tourists outside Camden Station asking for 50p so he can get a kebab. Tragically at the tender age of 18, I’d never set eyes of the yellow-canned ambrosia that is Tennents Lager.
Now though, Tennents is my one true Caledonian love.
It’s the perfect beer, mainly due to its general inoffensiveness. It tastes the same on draught or out of a can. It can be enjoyed freezing cold or luke-warm (a bit like Scotland). It can be drunk any time of the day. Whether it’s 12pm in the park or 4am in the dark, It’s always time for a Tennents.
It’s amazing that Tennents can’t be found anywhere in the south. It’s far superior to the taste of Carling, Carlsberg, or Heineken. Selling at an average £1 it’s far cheaper than a Stella or a Kronenbourg. What’s more, at an alcohol percentage of 4% it’s no namby-pamby Budweiser or Coors Light.
Anyone who buys a Fosters instead of a Tennents on the basis of ‘flavour’ needs to take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror. Seriously what are you doing mate? You probably were swayed by those ads with the zainy aussies and think that it makes it okay to order one if you follow it up by saying “good call”.
The only good call is Tennents.
My love for Tennents also represents my love for Scotland since moving here. Despite the cold weather and even colder reception you get when someone hears your stereotypical southern accent, I do really love it here. Problem is I don’t really like rugby, golf, kilts or haggis. So ordering a Tennents is my only real way of expressing my love for Auld Reekie.
I’m definitely not the only southerner will a passion for Scotland’s most popular beer. My friend told me recently about a mate of his who loves Tennents so much he brought a ten-pack with him to Amsterdam. To Amsterdam, the home of Heineken. This boy clearly knows where his priorities are.
I won’t lie to you – I have drunken an IPA before. I’ll probably drink a pale ale next time I’m in Shoreditch. Believe me though, my allegiances lie with Tennents. You can keep your Coronas. You can keep your Blue Moon. Fruit has no business being anywhere near a lager – so do one with your limes and oranges.
We in the south need to bring Tennents to our shops. Write to your MP, pester bossman in the corner shop. Be the change you want to see in the world. Bring Tennents to the south. It’d be a better place with it.