Oxbridge rejects you, life quality improves

Unsurprisingly, a recent report proves that Durham students’ have the best quality of life in the UK.

Durham University was ranked highest in the Lloyds’ student quality of life survey, which examined the social life, sports facilities, crime rates and employability of students in 91 UK universities.

Rent works out at nearly a grand per square metre. Great value for money.

According to the survey, the general feeling towards Durham’s social scene is that it is one of the best in the UK, clearly overlooking the fact that Klute was once nominated as the worst nightclub in Europe.

Although the highest degree satisfaction belongs to Bath students, Durham is only 6% behind, with 9 out of 10 students stating that they are content with their course (and some of those study Old Norse).

“We beat you at sports, but we’re a national joke la la la la.”

Durham came second in last years BUCS league, only losing to Loughborough; best at sport but 14th in the league tables – you do the maths.

Glasgow Caledonian university came highest in 2010 for its number of graduates going into either further education or employment, at 96%. In fairness most of them were probably employed by their Scottish superiors, in the form of  ex Durham Caledonian Society members.

Dancing to a fast track (straight to the top of the career ladder).

After London, student housing in Durham is amongst the most expensive in England, with the average rent at £3,730 for a 52- week private let – it’s a good thing that the median income for Durham graduates is £22,000.

That’s about £10,000 more than your JCR president, but at least they get to spend one more year at the happiest uni in England. Maybe it was a good thing that they didn’t get into Oxbridge after all.