The Durham Posh-o-Meter
Think you don’t fit the Durham stereotype? Take our quick quiz to show how posh you really are.
1. Which college did you apply to?
A – Jo Butler. An opportunity to learn to cook for yourself and get fighting fit with all those hills? Yes please!
B – Cuths. It’s actually a ‘society’ rather than a college.
C – Castle. Its stunning architecture and fascinating history remind you of your family trips to other World Heritage sites.
D – Hatfield. As well as getting to hang out with all your old school chums, you get to splash your cash at the formals by seeing how many fines you can rack up. Some might say it’s a waste of money, but you know it’s complete worth it for the ‘banter factor’.
2. Where would you take someone on a date?
A – Jimmy A’s. You can afford to splash out on a couple of Johnny Woodgates with the free entry, and the dance floor is the perfect place to show off your seductive moves.
B – A comedy night with the Revue. Typical drinks dates are just too predictable, plus you get to show how in touch with the world you are by laughing outrageously at all the satirical jokes.
C – Whisky River. You can be sure that they’ll be smitten by the soft mood lighting, and you can constantly act surprised at how much cheaper the cocktails are compared to Covent Garden.
D – Bishop’s Suite in the Castle. Nothing is going to get someone into bed like knowing the Queen herself has been between those silky sheets.
3. What’s your best pick up line?
A – ‘I’ll be Burger King and you’ll be Mcdonalds; I’ll be having it my way and you’ll be loving it’ OR ‘Your father must be a drug dealer because you’re dope’. (Use interchangeably – you need all the help you can get.)
B –‘I have some tickets to this Gold Panda gig next week if you want to come’
C – ‘I went to Eton… so how about it?’
D – ‘May I offer to take you in my private car for a tour of one of my many estates?’
4. What do your parents do?
A – Teachers. Standard.
B – Accountants. Or, as you like to call them, capitalists. Safe to say their strong work ethic and avarice certainly haven’t rubbed off on you, as you’ve realised the fickle value of money. However, you’re still willing to spend theirs on the things that matter, like the latest pair of Nike Air Max-s.
C – Well, Daddy’s a barrister. Mummy doesn’t work.
D – Are you referring to Lord and Lady Offshorebankaccount? They tend to dabble in quite a few businesses; the oil company is doing pretty well at the moment but the next big venture is the escort service… business really seems to have picked up since Prince Harry got engaged.
5. What did you do in the Christmas holidays?
A – Switched between working a couple of shifts at your local pub and partying with your friends over a bottle of Glens.
B – Road tripped to Brighton in your vintage Volkswagen minivan. They had a ‘pier rave’, which was totally rad! You really felt like one of the ‘people’.
C – Palatinate Alps, obvs. Where else could you show off your serious slalom tekkers whilst gawping at hot guys/gals in their Abercrombie swimwear?
D – I split my time between the central London flat, the country manor in Scotland and this cute little Caribbean island Binky’s uncle only just found out he owned.
6. What’s your post-club destination of choice?
A – Paddy’s. Cheap food, large portions and they don’t kick you out for having a group sing-along. What more could you want?
B – Urban Oven. The sweet potato fries have half the calories of normal fries (eurgh potato is so mainstream) and the lighting in there is sort of trance-y.
C – Ebony. Filling up on bubbly will to help you power through till your 9am lecture.
D – Why should I suffer queuing with the commoners when I can retire back to yours and crack out the coke?
7. Your sport of choice is…?
A – Football. There’s nothing like a kick-about to take you back to your roots.
B – Ultimate Frisbee. It’s fun, it’s alternative, and you’re actually better at it when you’re tripping.
C – Lacrosse. Or, as you and your friends like to call it, ‘lax’.
D – Polo. You learnt how to ride a horse before you could walk, so really it’s just like hockey but without the indecency of running. Any sport that’s on a Ralph Lauren shirt is good enough for you.
8.Your essential item of clothing is…?
A – Your Primark klute-soles. A cheap pair of shoes when you’re skanking on that sweaty dance floor are essential. They could almost be passed off as converse!
B –Your travelling pants. Super comfy, super practical and super going to get you starting a conversation about your Gap Yah.
C – Your college stash. You can’t turn up the opportunity to show off how bloody good you are at sport, especially since you’ve had to endure 7 years of dropping soap in the showers to get where you are on the rugby team.
D – Pink trousers. Red trousers. Yellow trousers. Oh hell anything that will make your legs look like they were invented by Crayola.
Mostly As – Not posh.
You’ve clawed your way in to the University League Tables through a combination of hard work, intelligence and desperation to prove everyone else wrong. The achievement of your A-levels is made even more impressive by the fact that you were holding four part time jobs, looking after your numerous siblings and still recovering from the devastating effects of Thatcher. You bitterly resent paying £3 for Klute when you were definitely in the queue by 10.45, but you won’t let this get in the way of your partying as you sure as hell know how to have a good time.
Mostly Bs – Alternative posh.
Despite being able to afford a brand new designer backpack, you’d much rather get one from a charity shop, ’cause the slightly frayed straps give you that extra edge. Sure, you may have come from money, but you’re certainly not going to let that stop you living off a mixture of quinoa, mung beans and feminist prose, whilst kicking back to some xxyyxx.
Mostly Cs – Run of the mill posh.
Your family has been attending public schools for generations, so you completely understand that your wealth may not be normal. However, you can’t quite grasp what ‘normal’ is. There’s nothing more fun than popping to Whisky River for a quick Grey Goose lash before heading off on a bar crawl to experience how the other half live. Of course, you’re not actually going to trek all the way up to the hill colleges whilst completely rat-arsed, so you comfort yourself with the knowledge that only the Bailey really counts as Durham; which is why you will be splashing out on the gorgeous hot tub house on Church Street next year.
Mostly Ds – Rah dahhling.
Your family founded your school and you somehow missed the economic crisis. You chose Durham as it allows you continue the tradition of formal meals that you enjoy back in the château, although you slightly resent the fact that they don’t serve Merlot and the gowns are made out of such cheap material. Your signet ring isn’t worn ironically, but rather so you’re always prepared with your family crest in case you need to write a quick letter to Buckingham Palace.