Trip to the Gyp: Eight pancake combinations that’ll start a Camfess war
What kind of world are we living in where Marmite and tuna go well together in a pancake?
Like the rest of the internet, the Weetabix and baked beans combination left us disgusted. But it also got us thinking: what if being afraid to put controversial ingredients together means that we’re missing out on the best culinary experiences of our lives?
Therefore, this pancake day we present to you some controversial pancake fillings; each rated against appeal factor, taste, texture and presentation. So take a peek, try not to vomit, and trust us: don’t try these at home.
— Weetabix (@weetabix) February 9, 2021
Marmite and Mint Ice Cream
Appeal factor 0/5: You either love it or you hate it, but I imagine that most people hate this suggestion.
Taste 1/5: The minute this went in my mouth, I regretted every life choice I’d made up to that point. The bitter and meaty marmite oddly complimented the burnt pancakes. However, it did not combine well with the mint. It gets one point solely because I like mint ice cream.
Texture 4/5: Though the marmite was disconcertingly sticky and gooey combined with the ice cream, I’m proud of myself for making the pancakes nice and fluffy.
Presentation 0/5: Purely for being a catfish, a nice drizzle of chocolate sauce? Sadly not.
Overall 5/20: I’ve got to admit, I’m not surprised about that verdict, I hate myself for coming up with this combination.
Tuna, Marmite and cucumber
Appeal factor 0/5: I don’t think I need to explain this one.
Taste 3/5: This might cause controversy… but it actually tasted alright. Salty and refreshing with a fishy tang. Wouldn’t recommend the aftertaste though.
Texture 5/5: The crisp crunch of the cucumber, the velvety softness of the tuna and that fluffy pancake.
Presentation 5/5: The colour, the handling, the artistry.
Overall 13/20: A dish that defies expectations and will divide friendship groups quicker than the room ballot.
Baked Beans and Biscoff
Appeal factor 0/5: Not much I can say on this one. In my opinion, baked beans should be on toast, jacket potatoes and not much else.
Taste 0/5: Weirdly bland? The taste was stuck in a sweet and savoury purgatory that just made it extremely unpleasant.
Texture 2/5: Pancakes nice and fluffy, but ruined by the soggy-ness of the beans and the claggy Biscoff.
Presentation 0/5: Need I say more? It looks like something you’d find on the pavement outside Cindies (rip).
Overall 2/20: I am yet again questioning my life choices.
Ice cream and chips
Appeal factor 1/5: This one was suggested in a group chat, I take no responsibility for it.
Taste 3/5: I don’t think burnt chips are ever meant to be combined with freezer burn.
Texture 3/5: Crunchy and liquidy simultaneously. Not a horrible combination.
Presentation 2/5: It dripped all over me.
Overall 12/20: A dish that screams chips and milkshake, but make it pancake day. The pure chaos that it created in my stomach has put me off it forever.
Strawberry Jam and Cheese
Appeal factor 4/5: Ratatouille promised me that strawberries and cheese would work, and Disney wouldn’t lie to me…right?!
Taste 3/5: The disappointment is immeasurable. It wasn’t awful, but Remy definitely over-hyped this combination, and the aftertaste was downright awful.
Texture 5/5: Can’t knock this one, smooth and fluffy.
Presentation 4/5: If you squint really hard it could be strawberry and white chocolate, and I definitely would have preferred that.
Overall 16/20: I want to take off another 5 points for the betrayal, can’t believe Disney would deceive me like this.
Chips, cheese and Bisto gravy
Appeal factor 5/5: Northerners miss three things when in Cam: hills, nice water, and gravy and chips.
Taste 5/5: What could go wrong with bringing this northern twist to a Gardie’s staple in pancake form? The cheesy goodness of nights out, with the saltiness of the Bisto and the subtle nuances of the pancake.
Texture 2/5: Floppy and soggy. I would recommend thicker chips next time.
Presentation 1/5: Sogginess undermined the aesthetic, perhaps a Yorkshire pudding would be better…
Overall 13/20: A late-night dish to spark the north-south divide. I would eat over and over again, just for the taste.
Vodka and Blueberries
Appeal factor 3/5: I intended for this to be vodka cranberry, but my lack of lockdown supermarket trips meant I had to improvise. It works in a drink, so why wouldn’t it work on a pancake?
Taste 5/5: The blueberries and the sauce were nice and tangy, and despite smelling like nail varnish, the vodka taste wasn’t too strong.
Texture 2/5: The vodka garnish made it very soggy, which wasn’t too pleasant.
Presentation 5/5: I covered up the burnt pancake with a raspberry coulis. Now tell me this isn’t something you’d see on Masterchef.
Overall 15/20: Though the texture let this one down, I would still happily pre with alcohol pancakes in the future. It didn’t taste of alcohol, but the whole pancake made me a little tipsy (although my alcohol tolerance has plummeted in lockdown).
Melted marshmallow and Rice Crispies
Appeal factor 4/5 : This came out of the childhood longing for those Rice Crispie Squares that my friends would eat on the playground whilst I munched on some dry fruit (no I’m not bitter the fruit was).
Taste 4/5: This was peng I’m not going to lie. Sweetness, saltiness and tang, it’s all there.
Texture 2/5: Sadly, the marshmallow was like rubber and has since settled uncomfortably in my stomach.
Presentation 4/5: The pink colour is the valentine’s surprise that you’ve been waiting for, with sprinkles to blast away those lockdown blues.
Overall 18/20: A dish to satisfy the child in you. I would make this again purely to make myself feel 10 years old.
We’ve learnt several things from this investigation, firstly, beans and Biscoff should never be put together. Ever. Eating four ‘controversially’ filled pancakes in a row leaves your stomach unhappy for the rest of the afternoon. But most of all, you certainly can’t knock it till you try it.
Feature images credits: Poppy Robinson and Matilda Head.