Which political slogan is your college?

We can’t all be ‘strong and stable’

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Even if your first reaction to news of a general election was ‘not another one’, you can’t escape it. Politics, for better or for worse, penetrates even the Cambridge bubble.

So as we rush headlong into another general election, politics is the hot topic, the stage for many heated arguments. But if you just want to dip your toe into the political quagmire, or want to brush up on your knowledge of political slogans, look no further than this definitive treatise.

‘Make America great again’ – St John’s

Loud, obnoxious, very right-wing – hard to know if you’re talking about Trump or John’s. They may have a signet ring but they’re still careerist – it doesn’t matter if you’re old money or new, any money will do. It won’t be long now until they execute a corporate takeover.

I spy with my little eye

‘British jobs for British people’ – Clare

Having closed its gates to all but Clare students this term, Clare has adopted the mentality that there are certain privileges not open to all. British jobs for British people, aka Clare college for Clare students.

‘She doesn’t even go here!’

‘Strong and stable’ – Trinity

The dominant college in Cambridge, could it really be anything else? Richest college and top of the Tompkins table every year, its stranglehold does not seem to be loosening any time soon. This is a college with values that would make Theresa May proud.

Theresa approves

‘Drain the swamp’ – Queens’

Queens’ literally needs to drain their swamp after their embankment collapsed into the Cam. Trump wants to drain the swamp of the entire corrupt, Washington establishment like James Comey. Queens’ needs to drain the swamp so the poor tourists punting don’t get crushed by its hideous concrete architecture.

The opposite of strong and stable

‘Take back control’ – Peterhouse

Peterhouse wanted to be disaffiliated from CUSU, no doubt to regain sovereignty and assert its independence. But still caught in the bureaucratic grasp of a central authority, it’s probably disillusioned and a little dismayed.

To CUSU or not to CUSU?

‘Education, education, education’ – Homerton

Blair’s political slogan setting out his priorities. Never has a slogan been so fitting, because is there really much else going on in Homerton?

Tony Blair’s dream?

‘Stronger economy. Fairer society.’ – Jesus

Did you know this was the Lib Dem slogan? Nope, me neither, until I googled it. And just like the Lib Dems, Jesus is inoffensive and a little forgettable. Though it is the third richest college it lives in the shadow of the two bigger ones.

As memorable as a Lib Dem slogan

‘For the many, not the few’ – King’s

It’s got to be King’s right? Staunchly left-wing and proud of it, King’s is perhaps more champagne socialist than Corbynite, but hey, despite going to such a privileged institution, it’s still nice to care about the people, or at least act like you do.

Such red, much left

‘Deeds not words’ – Newnham

Famously the slogan of the Suffragettes, and like Newnham, they were made of strong, independent women.

Historically accurate, of course

‘Stronger for Scotland’ – Girton

A slogan bandied about by the SNP. Scotland in Westminster is very much like Girton and Cambridge, nominally part of the Union, but so far away its voice doesn’t really get heard.

So far away it’s practically in Scotland…?

‘Brexit means Brexit’ – Corpus Christi

Ever present, but no one really understands what it means. Just like the Corpus clock. Something that looks important but really has no functional use whatsoever.

Just what even are you?

‘For the common good’ – Selwyn

The political slogan of the Green Party. Located next to Sidgwick site, Selwyn has a disproportionate amount of arts and humanities students, who are notoriously hipster, like Green supporters.

As Green as their grass

‘Don’t let our country be invisible in Westminster’ – Trinity Hall

As said by Leanne Wood, leader of Plaid Cymru. Sadly like Wales, that is a bit like what Tit Hall is. Small and tiny, it is constantly being dominated by its much larger neighbours.

Found it!

‘En marche’ – Lucy Cavendish

Just like Emmanuel Macron, Lucy Cav appreciates older women.

Nothing wrong with being mature

‘Magic money tree’ – Emmanuel

A phrase constantly used by Amber Rudd during the live election debate. This could be her attempt to rival May’s strong and stable, just like how Emmanuel is desperately trying to challenge Trinity in the battle over intellectual superiority.

The usurper?

‘Love Britain. Vote UKIP’ – Robinson

If John’s is Republican, then Robinson is UKIP. Smaller and less influential but with the same right-wing ethos.

A place Nigel Farage could call home

And that’s a wrap. I’ve exhausted my knowledge of political slogans and probably your appetite for politics. Apologies to the colleges who didn’t make it on, but that’s probably a good thing anyway.