Cambridge BNOCs give advice for RAG Blind Dates
Take it or leave it, you’re only soothing their egos
With the biggest event of the social calendar drawing near, RAG has decided to offer you some words of wisdom as Blind Date approaches. No matter what your gender or sexual orientation, let RAG take you on a night to remember.
Whether you’re after romance, a fling, or just want a new friend, we sought advice from some of Cambridge’s resident BNOCs to guide you though the tricky social interaction that is the Blind Date.
(Disclaimer: RAG cannot be held responsible for any outcome which results from using these tips.)
Abigail Smith and Rebecca Marchant – Jesus, Fitz
Claim to fame: Match-makers extraordinaire, Wild-West enthusiasts.
- Pay to date whom you want based almost entirely on superficial characteristics — there’s nothing better than being shallow and helping charity at the same time.
- Get the perfect setting: a mass-organised dating charity event in a bar full of other awkward couples is bound to set the mood!
- Go on a friend date! Maybe you’re already in a relationship? Maybe relationships aren’t really your thing? Either way, there’s no need for you to miss out on the chance to find a soul-mate. Chop the corner off your form and make some m9s.
Jack Lewy – Trinity Hall
Claim to fame: Ex-Union “big dog”, North London, CUFS model
- Play drinking games on your own until they cotton on, but don’t let their accusations of alcoholism stop the fun.
- Bring inflatables – everyone loves inflatables. Preferably rubber rings that look like ducks but by no means necessarily. Arm-bands are a no no.
- Find out beforehand whether they have any pets. Steal the pet and give it back to them as a romantic gesture. Guaranteed second date.
Toby Marlow – Robinson
Claim to fame: Musical king, one half of Fuller and Marlow. He was in RENT!
- Location is very important. Restaurants and cinemas are cliché and patriarchal. Go to a Build-a-Bear!
- Be yourself but not like completely yourself, it might be a bit too much?
- At the end of the date stroke their face from left to right. It shows you like them.
- Don’t be afraid to prepare a song beforehand, especially for quiet moments in the film or whilst you’re waiting for your antipasto.
- Try to avoid wearing anything yellow. Save that for date number two!
Allan Hennessy – Fitz
Claim to fame: Politics & journalism – he’s been on BBC This Week, writes for the Independent, and has the waviest garms in Cambridge
- The worst advice someone ever gave to me was “be yourself”. I thought if I pulled out my party trick – singing the Norwegian national anthem – they’d think I was jokes. But they didn’t. They climbed through a toilet window.
- Don’t be yourself. be everything that you’re not for two reasons. First, the real you is weird and they won’t like you. Second, if it goes horribly wrong you can tell yourself – and, more importantly, your friends – that they don’t know the real you.
- And for god’s sake don’t sing the Norwegian national anthem. Try the Swedish one instead.
Beth Claughton – Trinity
Claim to fame: Part-time crusher of the patriarchy, part-time breakfast maker
- Arrive slightly late. This gives you the perfect opportunity to weigh up your options; continue on with the fantasy of finding the true love of your life at Cambridge OR go back to your bed, crack open that bag of cheese and binge out on Butler’s gender theory. I know what I’d choose.
- Lure your date into questions that you present as a joke. For example, “I think women are just naturally inferior HAHAHAHAHA” and see the reaction. Do this before the starter so you can down your wine and get the hell out of there if their reaction is:
– Laughter that is too enthusiastic to suggest they agree.
– A pensive nod.
– A story about how they have living proof of what you say is true.
- You wanna know the basics of this person’s morality, so British politeness needs to back off and you go for the “unsuitable questions”: Cameron — ogre or saviour? Body hair — rank and gross and ew or an individual decision? Feminism — angry man-hating women or movement for justice? Cindies — friend or foe?
Patrick Sylla and Mihir Sood – Jesus
Claim to fame: Jailbreakers and heartbreakers in equal measure
- Come with a Shakespearian prop to get things going: a cape, a dagger, or, if you’re feeling extra spicy, a skull.
- Smash the patriarchy — chivalry is dead, and I am poor. Pick up my tab to win my heart.
- I always eat as much as is physically possible when on a date. I got this idea from Isaac Newton. The greater my mass, the greater the attractive force between us. 😉
James Hutt – Pembroke
Claim to fame: Union Pres
- On alcohol: either turn up not drunk or very. The middle way is never the right way.
- On profile pics: please make sure its obvious which person you are in your profile pic. Otherwise guys meeting you have to ask 6 different people at La Raza if they’ve found the right blind date. An awkward start to the night.
- On timing: just agree to meet 15 minutes after the time you actually say – giving you both time to be fashionably late and thus appear cool.
So what are you waiting for? Forms are ON SALE NOW from your college rep.
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