Jaden Smith knows more about your degree than you

The tweets of 15-year-old Jaden Smith will show you how little you actually know about your subject. 

Philosophy students need not bother themselves with the traditional canon of philosophers on the syllabus. Forget about Plato’s forms or Kant’s categorical imperatives.

Mathmos need to stop worrying about calculus and imaginary numbers, Jaden has the answers.

Historians: Jaden thinks you’re wasting your time.

With 5.64 million Twitter followers, how could the self-fashioned philosopher Jaden Smith, son of the lauded Will Smith, possibly be wrong? And, as exam season approaches, quoting these 140 charactered snippets of divine wisdom will be sure to set you on track to that starred first.

Preach it, Jaden.

“You Can Discover Everything You Need To Know About Everything By Looking At Your Hands”

Look at your hands. What have you learnt? Maybe a few things, like that most people have hands. I have learnt one of my fingers is really wonky. Anything you have not learnt by looking at your hands is now rendered USELESS INFORMATION. Forget everything you know. Your hands are the answer. Your hands are the future.

Philosophy

“How Can Mirrors Be Real if Our Eyes Aren’t Real” – A concise and coherent study into the classic appearance vs. reality debate. Thanks Jaden!

“People Use To Ask Me What Do You Wanna Be When You Get Older And I Would Say What A Stupid Question The Real Question Is What Am I Right Now” – This is Jaden for cogito ergo sum.

Jaden: the language of the future

History

“We Need To Stop Teaching The Youth About The Past And Encourage Them To Change The Future” – Jaden realises the importance of letting historians know they are wasting their time.

Education

“If Everybody In The World Dropped Out Of School We Would Have A Much More Intelligent Society” – Yeah, sounds sensible. Thanks Jaden for fixing society. #NoPlatformForTeachers

Neuroscience

“If Newborn Babies Could Speak They Would Be The Most Intelligent Beings On Planet Earth” – Calling all neuroscientists, he’s figured it out! Stop what you’re doing right now and start teaching those newborns how to speak! Goddamit you’re wasting time!

Like ‘Karma Chameleon’, but smarter

HSPS

“All The Rules In This World Were Made By Someone No Smarter Than You. So Make Your Own” – Politics students, this is true. Jaden has spoken. Let’s stop wasting our time and start making up our own rules. A coherent rejection of Kant’s ethic principles. That’ll be fine. Don’t stress about it.

Bio Natsci

“Most Trees Are Blue” – This seems like a reasonable suggestion Jaden, yes, most trees are blue. I am sure bionatscis can confirm. Or maybe this is the task for a Linguist – what even is blue?

Oh thank god

English

“There Is No Nutrients In Our Food Anymore Or In Our Soil OR IN OUR WATER” – Here, Jaden has offered us great insights into the importance of varying your literary techniques. Not Only Should We Always Capitalise The First Letter Of Every Word, we should put things which are largely irrelevant IN ALL CAPS FOR THE SAKE OF EMPHASIS. A favourite technique of Henry James, I hear.

Land Economy

“You Would Have To Eat 5 Apples Today To Get The Same Nutritional Value As An Apple From 1950. #Fallow” – Land Economists; you heard it here first. Stop wasting your time with Land Law and start focusing on the real issues at hand, like Jaden’s belief about the decline in the quality of the apple industry. This stuff is important. #BringBackOurApples

The maths checks out

Classics

“Unawareness Is The Only Sin, And If You Were Aware You Would Know.” – Socrates said something similar, I think. He’s probably right.

Architecture

“I Build Pyramids Constantly” – Don’t you feel inadequate now??? How long have you been working on that project? A couple of months? Yeah, well Jaden is in a perpetual state of pyramid building, like some kind of fanatic time-travelling Pharaoh with little to no regard for the societal repercussions of a world literally filled with pyramids. You will never be Jaden. Give up now.

Embrace the wisdom of Jaden Smith and the starred first will follow.