Cambridge’s Most Eligible Bachelorettes

From auburns to Aussies, book worms to ball gowns, whips to whiskers – whatever you’re into, you’ll find it here. Unless you’re into boys, of course.

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Following our recent coverage of the Bubble’s most eligible boys, we thought it was only fair to readdress the balance and turn our attention to the fairer sex.

Disclaimer: The Tab takes no responsibility for melted/stolen hearts. Read on at your own peril…

Rianna Croxford

Hope you don’t fall into the river, Rianna!

Painfully casual

Age: 19

College: Trinity Hall

Subject: English

Year: Fresher

Parties attending: St. John’s Ball, Jesus Ball and Trinity Hall June Event, Hawk’s event, Crescents’ Garden Party

Bio: This fresh-faced fresher is in fact described by friends as ‘the original good girl gone bad’. Interpret that as you wish. Like the other Rihanna, ours is also a song bird. This Tit Hall teen is partial to St John’s boys. But please don’t hold this against her.

Marissa Green

Hard to tell where cushion/rug ends and human begins

Homeless, but stylishly so

Age: 19

College: Gonville and Caius

Subject: English, Education and Drama

Year: Second

Parties attending: Caius Ball, Jesus Ball, Murray Edwards Garden Party, JSoc Garden Party, Fever @ The Union, Strawberries and Creem Festival

Bio: Marissa is an extra-curricular addict. Not only is she the co-founder of ScotSoc and president of JSoc, she is also a published poet. Nicknamed an overgrown child by her friends, teach her the ways of the world in exchange for a bottle of Bucky and queue-jump for the next ceilidh.

Simi Sandhu

Possibly dead

Is she staring at her own hand? We’re not sure

Age: 20

College: Homerton

Subject: French and Spanish

Year: Second

Parties attending: The Strawberries and Creem Festival, Turf all-nighter, John’s Ball, Robinson, Squire’s Garden Party, Sidney Sussex Ball, Wyverns Garden Party

Bio: After endless damp tinder matches, this pint-sized princess is still waiting for the one. Could you be Lancelot to her Guinevere? Knights in shining armour are requested to please send enquiries to: [email protected]

Not just a demure damsel, Simi is also Captain of the Homerton Girl’s Football Team.

Anna Walker

Creeping through the foliage

Interesting pool entry technique. Onlooker bemused

Lambs to the slaughter

Age: 19

College: Emmanuel

Subject: French and Arabic

Year: Fresher

Parties attending: Emmanuel June Event, Catz May Ball, Jesus May Ball, Strawberries & Creem Festival 2014, Fever @ the Union

Bio: Anna aspires to be the President of Australia by the time she’s thirty. Someone once called this Aussie babe ‘the Elle Woods of Emmanuel’. To relax she plays the piano, the violin, the viola and the guitar. By the end of this year Anna will speak five languages. And yes, everyone hates her.

Rosie Cross

Tut tut. That guy on the left is definitely looking at her boobs

Men not included

Age: 20

College: Homerton

Subject: English

Year: Second

Parties attending: The Strawberries and Creem Festival, Turf all-nighter, John’s Ball, Robinson, Squire’s Garden Party, Sidney Sussex Ball, Wyverns Garden Party

Bio: Rosie eats men and the skin of kiwis. She was head girl at her old school and can put her legs behind her head. Her great-great-Grandfather was also the Mayor of Sunderland.

Lucy Jacobsen

Eat your heart out, Christian Grey

What the fuck is she holding… Seriously, is that a hammer?

Age: 20

College: St John’s

Subject: English

Year: Second

Parties attending: Murray Edwards Garden Party, Clare May Ball, Johns May Ball

Bio: There will always be hairier and more muscly stallions in Lucy’s life. If competition keeps you on your toes, let this polo peeress whip you into shape.

Emma Powell

Someone probably doodled a penis in the margin

Can’t decide if book really large, or girl just tiny

Age: 21

College: Homerton

Subject: English, Education and Drama

Year: Third

Parties attending: St John’s Ball

Bio: You may have seen Emma in a play, you may have seen her in a musical (she has 24 credits on CamDram), you may have seen her in the library (Emma loves libraries), you may have seen her cake, you may have seen her on the catwalk (Emma is an aspiring supermodel). Or you may just not have seen her.

Jess Franklin

Tilted head, windswept fringe, beetle black eyes

Breaking plants and breaking hearts

Age: 20

College: Corpus Cristi

Subject: History of Art

Year: Second

Parties attending: Turf All-Night, Murray Edwards Garden Party, Caius May Ball, Kings Affair

Bio: Jess actually nominated herself to represent the short-haired contingent of eligible bachelorettes. This earth mother also passed her driving test second time. Possible suitors for Jessica must be high calibre: her mother tells her she’s too clever, too pretty and too funny to have a boyfriend. A likely story.

But who is the most eligible?


Photographs by Bea Cadwallader and Sophie Naddell