Do you Excel in bed?

BREAKING – A survey carried out by Durex has revealed that East Anglian lovers are unable to resist the allure of the screen; breaking hearts across the county.

Forever alone

Durex released the following findings based on the participants answers.

• 12% have answered the phone or read a text during sex
•  6% have checked Facebook during sex
• Nearly 1/4 think technology gets in the way of their sex life
• 1/3 believe that tech is adversely affecting their relationship
• 88% of us spend more time using technology in bed than having sex
• 24% of respondents said that their partner had been distracted by some sort of tech device whilst they were getting intimate

In response to Durex’s survey, The Tab set out to quiz the students of Cambridge on these shocking discoveries.

Fourth year linguist Ben Dalton agreed with the stats saying, “Yes, I think that technology is really affecting my sex life.

“I find myself more frequently rolling around beneath the sheets with a smartphone or laptop than a nude compatriot.

“In Cambridge this means that, whilst incapable of human intimacy, I am able to type up my lecture notes with consistent regularity.”

A rather wolfish third year, Tarquin Bigglesworth, boasted, “I’m a big fan of going on Tinder whilst in bed with my most recent Tinder conquest.

“It speeds up the process.”

He added, “Who doesn’t love a bit of poking whilst having a poke?”

In a similar vein, Tit Hall student, Alex Spencer admitted, “I love tweeting whilst with birds.”

Tim O’Brien, our very own Film Editor, was pensive for a moment – his philosophy degree clearly at work.

“Sex is all about the connection. For me it’s important that the connection is at least 5Mbps.”

Meanwhile, a first year from Pembroke (who wishes to remain anonymous) warned of the dangers of such an intimate relationship with technology.

“My ex used to check the cricket results on his phone. Not quite during sex but close enough that he is now my ex.”

Following their survey, Durex shot a short film #turnofftoturnon which, fortunately for the condom tycoons, doubled up as a call to arms for Earth Hour.

What do you think of the findings?