Katie Zinser: Week 2

In her second column, KATIE ZINSER tries to get you all to raise a smile.

azaelia banks beckham grey naked posh spice pout smile

Posh Spice might be pregnant again. I know this not because I care, but because as I was browsing W H Smith to quench my stationery fetish, I saw her miserable pointy face on the front-cover of Heat.

To give Becks full credit, maybe she’s not too happy about this probably fictional pregnancy.  And to be fair, undernourishment would make me sour-faced too: the woman has probably never even tasted Nutella.

However, this is not a one-off case. For some unbeknownst reason, I’ve noticed a lot of people have decided it is attractive and ‘cool’ not to smile any more.

Personally, I think there is nothing sexier than a smile. I even fancy Azealia Banks a little bit after seeing her perform this week, smiling away as she spits out lyrics dirtier than a Pitt Club after-party. Watch the video for 212, it is literally one big smile. Filthy rap has never been so adorable.

What’s more, think of the women with the most deposits in the wank-bank. Smiley Kate Middleton? You bet.  Cheery Kelly Brookes? No man could say no.  But I don’t hear about many men taking pleasure time from pictures of moody pouters like Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan. I know you’ll think I’m overlooking two big pert reasons for that, but then again, have you ever heard anyone say ‘that girl has such a lovely pout’?

Now I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place for the sultry stare. Porn mags aren’t filled with gals and guys grinning away in the nudey with a thumbs-up.  But in a real life, in-the-flesh, context, the fact of the matter is that laughing and smiling is attractive. It makes people like you. Who wants to bed Ebenezer Scrooge? Not me kind sir.

It is really sad that so many girls, and some boys, feel they have to constantly pout and preen out of fear that their face might contort into a natural expression where it may not, horror-of-horrors, look perfect. I know girls who have lovely cheery faces, beautiful smiles and some of the nicest, tinkly laughs you could hear, but every time there is a camera or an attractive male within the vicinity they suck in their adorably dimply cheeks and pucker up like they’ve had botched Botox.

Well let me tell you all, I get a little double chin when I laugh too hard that I’m not so hot on. Sometimes I snort. Sometimes when I’m tired and I smile I look like I’m weeing myself. But I would rather all of these then people thinking for a second that I’m unfriendly or miserable. I’m sorry to all you chronic de-taggers, but having an identical pout and pose in every single photo does not make you an amateur model. It makes you ridiculous.