The Difficult Life Of Thomas Smith

THOMAS SMITH needs room for himself and his ex-girlfriend at Nottingham University.

Hello again, you.

In the end I was glad I was unable to defer entry to Queen Mary, because I later realised that I would only be happy studying in the bustling city of Nottingham, the East Midlands’ “best kept secret”. Nottingham would be a laugh, but only if they have double beds in their accommodation to fit me and my ex-girlfriend…

[The following are genuine exchanges.]

—————————-

Dear Nottingham University Accommodation,

I am very interested in applying to study Chemistry at Nottingham next year.

Last year, something terrible happened. I had been going out with my girlfriend, Louise, for 3 years. She was beautiful (blonde hair, blue eyes, you know the type), charming, lovely, sweet, clever – everything you could ask for in a girl. We’d do everything together, from bike rides at sunset to going for Sunday brunch at Nando’s. I know that at just 17 years old I’m a bit young to say I was in love, but I really think I was. When I wasn’t with her I wished I was, and when I was with her I never wanted to leave her.

However, tragically, Louise died when she was on holiday in Iceland last year. I think it was something to do with food poisoning. Anyway, since then, as a way of trying to cope, I’ve made a soft doll of Louise which I sleep with at night so it’s almost as though she’s there with me. The doll is life-size, so I need a double bed. Are there double beds in any of your accommodation?

Yes,

Thomas x

—————————-

Dear Thomas

I’m afraid that we don’t have any double beds in our accommodation. Yet our large single rooms contain three quarter size beds that you may be interested in.

Kind regards,

Sam Ellis

—————————-

Dear Dr Ellis,

Many, many, many thanks for your pronto reply. A three quarter size bed may be appropriate for my circumstances. The life-sized ‘Louise’ doll measures 5″7′ and is roughly a girl’s clothes size 10 (so quite slim). Her width is approximately 30cm. I’m a fairly large guy (clothes size L). Do you think the two of us will fit comfortably in a three quarter size bed?

Thanks again, Sam.

Hi,

Thomas xxx

—————————-

Dear Thomas,

Thanks for your quick response.

I believe a large single study would be suitable. If you have any concerns though you could come along to our open day on either September 10th or 11th. Tours of the accommodation are available and you could see a typical large single study room in person, if you wish to bring the Louise doll along then feel free. Either way though we’re fairly confident that the room will meet your requirements.

Please, just call me Sam, I’m not a doctor.

Kind regards,

Sam Ellis

—————————-

Dear Professor Ellis, (only joking!) Dear Sam,

Your idea of me coming along to an open day is brilliant, inspired. I will do just that – probably both 10th and 11th September so then I will get a feel for what it is like to be there two days in a row. Louise can’t wait either – she’s already started preparing a packed lunch to bring along on the day. We live in Manchester so it’ll be quite a day out for the two of us.

She’s hoping to meet some new friends there as well – we hear the people of Nottingham are very friendly. Thanks again for all your help, we’ll be sure to put in a good word for Sam Ellis when we attend both open days!

Yours forever,

Thomas xxx

—————————-

Louise and I had a fantastic time at Nottingham’s open days, but it turned out the bed was not big enough for the two of us. At least there were still plenty of other universities to consider…

NOW WATCH:
More
University of Cambridge