Katie & Peter: The Never-ending Sequel

Celebrity gossip columnists Ajay and James delve into the depths of Z list stardom and reality TV.

Is it a surprise that after just three and a half years, the media’s most sickening couple are divorcing? Was it all just a career boosting move in the first place? Can someone who has inflated her breasts to the size of her ego ever have a truly fulfilling relationship with anyone other than herself? We look into the troubled world of Peter Andre and Katie Price pre, post and during their short and very public marriage.

Katie Price, known also by her alter ego, Jordan, is a busty, bubbly, slightly thick, former model is best known for her huge breasts (and not a lot else), which she had enhanced by implants, from a B to an F cup. Born Katrina Amy Alexandria Alexis Infield in Brighton, Katie began her modelling career as a Page 3 with The Sun, where she made regular appearances. Many topless and nude photo shoots later, Katie, faded out of the public attention, and like many other has-beens, fled to the jungle to appear on I Used To Be A Celebrity…Revitalise My Career! It was here that a relationship with Peter Andre, forgotten singer of ‘Mysterious Girl’, was forged.

Peter Andre, cheesy 90s one hit wonder had also faded into obscurity. The Australian born singer with amazing Pecs was rather a non entity even at the peak of his career, but by the time he felt it necessary to stoop to reality television lows, barely anyone remembered who he was. Perhaps this was on his mind when he realised the media coverage that would be derived from furthering his already cosy relationship with Jordan. Was it love that blossomed in the jungle, or two very desperate former celebrities looking to forge a relationship of expediency with media coverage in mind? Well, before their break up, the answer would have simply been love. Their fairy tale, and altogether rather over the top wedding, along with the two children they had together (named Junior Savva Andreas Andre and Princess Tiaamii Crystal Esther Andre. Jordan’s other relationships with stars such as Teddy Sheringham, Dwight Yorke, Gareth Gates and Dane Bowers, not in any way a testimony to her attempts to remain in the limelight, seemed to shrink in to the background, as Peter seemed to be her Mr. Wright.

As the sickeningly loved up couple got married, the media were all over them. Their relationship became the source for much coverage, which became most apparent with their ‘hit’ TV series on ITV, Katie and Peter, which charted different chapters in the couple’s lives. Such titles included ‘When Jordan Met Peter’, ‘Jordan & Peter: Laid Bare’, ‘Jordan & Peter: Marriage and Mayhem’, ‘Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter’ and ‘Katie & Peter: The Baby Diaries’. At the time of going to press, there is no plan for ‘When Katie split with Peter’, but we wouldn’t be surprised if such an idea has crossed their minds.

But then the news came that they were looking to divorce after three and a half years of marriage, begging the question of how this ‘fairytale’ couple split. Rumours abounded about affairs, Peter’s jealousy of Jordan’s success, and his displeasure at her dual personality of Jordan and Katie. After frank interviews with Piers Morgan and other reliable journalists, no-one is really any closer to finding the truth behind this thrilling saga in the lives of Z list celebrities. Perhaps a new theory could be proposed; perhaps being married was far too settled a situation for them? No self respecting newspaper, magazine or television programme wants to know about blissful married life, but splitting up is going to rock the headlines. Bookies are even running odds on the couple reuniting by then end of 2009.

As ever, the true casualties of this tumultuous situation are the couple’s three children – Katie’s first child, who is disabled, was fathered by footballer Dwight Yorke. They are the ones who not only have to deal with the media attention that their family attracts, but now they have to face that without a stable father figure. Katie has already been photographed cavorting with another man, but one wonders how long, if at all, that will last – after all, he is not famous and clearly wouldn’t be worthy of an ITV series with his new partner.
So at the end of this, we are once again asking who really cares. True, the breakup of any family unit is one to be sympathised with, but when it all feels so staged managed, like the rest of the lives of these insignificant people, why should the media be giving this so much thought and attention? These people haven’t saved lives, invented anything, or indeed done very much of any merit (both admittedly do work hard for charity, but only because they are in a situation where they are semi-obliged to do so). Once the mindless public have grown bored of them, no doubt there will be a new media ploy put in place to seize Peter and Jordan even more headlines. Perhaps Katie could have more breast implants, or Peter could have an autobiography ghost-written for him in the style of Jordan.  Whatever happens, we won’t be getting rid of them anytime soon.