May Week and Beyond on a Budget

Summer promises months of hedonism, starting with the misleadingly titled Suicide Sunday. If you’ve maxed out the Coutts card, lost your lottery ticket or like most of us, lack the funds to get a Lux card, then here’s 4 tips for doing May Week on a shoestring:

1. MUNCH

ORIGINAL: Brunch at Browns
Price: Chargrilled Fillet Steak, £18.50
COPYCAT: Make sure your garden party get-up has deep pockets for canapés – aim for the non-perishables. Don’t forget to detour via the infamous J.Sainbury’s buffet, also known as the bins. Get there early to shotgun the expiring smoked-salmon sandwiches.
Price: Free, especially if you can outwit the garden party guest list
Appearance: It’s quantity over quality here, but beggars (students) can’t be choosers…
Price difference: £18.50 – enough for a term’s worth of post-Fez cheesy chips
Verdict: Go for it if you already have salmonella antibodies…

2. ON THE LASH

ORIGINAL: Pimms and lemonade
Price: £14 for a 70cl bottle, hooray Henry that’s expensive…
COPYCAT: Basic Vodka- No fancy packaging, just vodka (and cirrhosis)
Price: £6.50 (less if you flirt with Barbara the baldie on checkouts)
Appearance: Drink enough and they all look (and taste) the same.
Price difference: £8! 2 and 2/3 Tuesdays at Cindies….
Verdict: Basics knows best for your wallet if not your liver.

3. NO CANNES DO DAHLING

ORIGINAL: Phuket and Phnom Penh followed by Daddy’s pad in Monaco
Price: 3 terms worth of student loan
COPYCAT: Hit up the Chichester Pedalos, just watch out for the yachts (flashy bastards)
Price: £3 per hour plus £1.50 for a ‘99’….
Appearance: Tan-wise, more St.Ives than St.Tropez but think of the bulging quads.
Price difference: In the £1000s….
Verdict: Man up and hit the spray tan (Besides who wants their body recovered from the Atlantic by Brazilian submarines)

4. IMAGE IS EVERYTHING

ORIGINAL: Garden Party Chic; deck shoes and pinstripes for the gents and florals for the ladies
Price: How long is a piece of string?
COPYCAT: Primarché
Price: Easy on the wallet, harder on the conscience
Appearance:  Watch out for countless others sporting the same look; less of a problem the further you are from Anglia Ruskin…
Price difference: In the £1000s….
Verdict: 1 Jack Wills hair bobble = frock, socks, shoes, bag, bling and make-up from Primark. You do the maths.