2016 – The year that politics went mad

David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Terry Wogan, AA Gill- all beloved institutions we sadly lost in 2016. To the list of deceased, we must surely add British satire, for so long an intrinsic part of national life, now killed off by real life farce, incompetence, stupidity and ineptitude.

Below is a list of the unbelievable yet all too true events of the past 12 months:

January

Floods minister Rory Stewart arrives late to a meeting with flood hit locals on the wrong side of a collapsed bridge.

Labour frontbencher Stephen Doughty resigns live on air on The Daily Politics show.

A Heart FM presenter accidentally announces the death of David Cameron live on air.

Jeremy Corbyn’s Twitter account is hacked but his cat ‘El Gato’ becomes an online star. Parliament debates a petition signed by 560,000 people to ban Donald Trump from entering the UK.

February

David Cameron launches the EU referendum campaign at a train signal manufacturers in Chippenham having been delayed en route by train signal failure. The train back is delayed by someone pulling the emergency brake.

A UKIP candidate releases a Brexit anthem called “Britain’s Coming Home”.

Bernie Sanders’ brother Larry becomes the Green Party Health Spokesman.

Vote Leave release condoms with the label “it’s riskier to stay in”.

March

Tory Mayoral candidate Zac Goldsmith claims he wants to be “pansexual for London.”

At a Jeremy Corbyn rally, one comedian jokes that ex-minister Kevan Jones’ support for the renewal of Trident proved he had depression.

Boaty McBoatface quickly becomes the most popular name for a new naval research vessel, sparking a row when Boris Johnson’s brother Jo calls it unsuitable and changes it to RSS Sir David Attenborough.

April

Zac Goldsmith speaks of his love of Bollywood but is unable to name a single film or actor whilst the Conservatives release a multilingual music video to drum up support for his flagging campaign.

Former London Mayor Ken Livingstone hides in a disabled loo to avoid the national press after claiming Adolf Hitler was a Zionist.

Boris Johnson orders supporters to interrupt a Michael Crick broadcast before criticising President Obama on his state visit to the UK, suggesting his attitude to Britain might be based on his “part-Kenyan” heritage and “ancestral dislike of the British empire”.

May

A teenager dressed in a gorilla suit is “punched in the face” at a Vote Leave rally.

In a Vice documentary Jeremy Corbyn promises to autograph apples from his allotment.

The Brexit battlebus is revealed to have been made in Poland.

Two SNP politicians are discovered to be cheating on their wives with the same woman. Boris Johnson claims the EU stops shops from selling bananas in bunches of more than two or three.

June

‘B-Pop’- a Brexit pop concert- is cancelled after performers learn of its political undertones.

Nigel Farage’s flotilla of fishing trawlers battles with Remain-supporting Bob Geldolf in “the Battle of the Thames”.

Following defeat in the EU referendum, David Cameron resigns despite having said he wouldn’t.

A botched Labour coup sees two thirds of the Shadow Cabinet resign whilst missing Deputy Leader Tom Watson parties at a 4am Glastonbury silent disco.

Although he claims he has no charisma or glamour, Michael Gove announces he is standing to be Tory leader, causing favourite Boris Johnson to drop out of the race at the last minute.

July

Ken Clarke and Malcolm Rifkind are caught on Sky ridiculing all the Tory leadership candidates.

Andrea Leadsom is embroiled in successive rows over her CV, motherhood and male nannies.

Leadsom supporters ‘march on Parliament’ whilst rival Tory hopeful Stephen Crabb is revealed to be sexting girls half his age.

At a press conference to announce Angela Eagle’s leadership bid, half the press leave to cover Leadsom dropping out.

August

Ex Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls is announced as the first participant in ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ 2016.

Labour leadership contender Owen Smith suggests the UK should “get round the table” with Isis.

Jeremy Corbyn is embroiled in a row with Virgin Trains over whether he could find a seat whilst the launch of his ‘Digital Democracy’ manifesto sees the online feed fail.

MPs consider nationalising the Red Lion pub during Parliament’s refurbishment.

Nigel Farage grows a moustache.

September

Keith Vaz is allegedly caught engaging in illicit practices under the alias ‘Jim the washing machine salesman’.

Half of band UB40 endorse Corbyn for Labour leader. Following Corbyn’s re-election, Shadow Defence Secretary Clive Lewis punches a wall.

Diane James is elected UKIP leader, adding the Latin term vi coactus (under duress) after her signature which prevents her taking office. UKIP’s sole MP Douglas Carswell argues that the sun’s gravitational pull causes tides.

October

At Tory conference, International Trade Secretary Liam Fox reveals plans to export “innovative British jams and marmalade” whilst the Welsh Conservatives leader claims “Brexit means breakfast”.

Diane James resigns as UKIP leader after 18 days whilst Defence Spokesman Mike Hookem is involved in a “scuffle” that sees rival Steven Woolfe hospitalised.

BBC Breakfast apologise after depicting footage of an escaped gorilla when talking about Nicola Sturgeon.

Raheem Kassam launches his UKIP leadership bid at 11am in a Westminster pub, before dropping out 3 days later.

Rival contender John Rees-Evans claims a “gay donkey raped my horse”.

November

Cabinet notes are photographed suggesting government Brexit policy is to “have cake and eat it”.

Jeremy Corbyn tries to avoid ITV questions about an early election by hiding behind a glass door.

Nigel Farage poses with Donald Trump before celebrating victory over “the establishment” by distributing Ferrero Rocher at the Ritz.

Ed Balls is eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing.

Zac Goldsmith is hit by his own car on the way to the Richmond Park by election hustings.

Lord Heseltine says he has exterminated 400 squirrels in 9 months.

December

Justice Secretary Liz Truss claims barking dogs are used to deter drones from flying drugs into prisons.

The Cabinet Secretary orders a leak inquiry into the leak of a letter warning civil servants not to leak.

Labour MPs release a Band Aid parody attacking Waitrose, Tesco and other companies for paying low wages.

Scotland’s Transport Minister is found driving without insurance a week before UK Transport Secretary Chris Grayling knocks a man off his bike.

Theresa May’s £995 trousers are mocked by Nicky Morgan.

Jeremy Corbyn walks out of a Labour karaoke night after Blairite MPs taunt him with a rendition of “Back in the USSR”.

Wonder what 2017 has in store for us?