This Bristol student has slept with 21 people and he thinks that’s loads
A unique interview
On a quiet and and nippy afternoon – I sat in a dimly lit sitting room with Benedict (not his real name).
Conversation with with him quickly turned to his sex life: his views about it are so extraordinary, I thought it warranted an interview. I started by asking Benedict how many he had slept with and why he chose to sleep with so many:
Benedict (B): Ummm, I’d say at the last count its 21. I would say that one reason for the less than conventional number is that I don’t feel bound to a monogamous relationship. I don’t think a relationship suits my current lifestyle. It would limit my independence as I would be emotionally responsible for another person. I could always have a relationship after university.
I’m fortunate enough to have large friendship group – many of whom find me attractive.
I don’t like the idea of being fixated on just one of them. I also feel that if I commit it would be difficult for me to leave a relationship even if it was toxic or damaging. I therefore enjoy my promiscuity because it means its unlikely I’ll be coerced and made to act in a way that i don’t want to – I feel that would happen if I was in a relationship.
Interviewer (I): What’s your secret? Why do so many people want to sleep with you?
B: The majority of the people that I’ve slept with are friends – I have a very large friendship group. Most of them are very confident people.
In all my actions I try to inspire confidence and positivity in people – I also try to be respectful and compassionate to people. I find that if you’re to have fulfilling relations then trust and respect is really important.
For example if you’re the type to pull a randomer in a club then you’re unlikely to have a fulfilling sexual experience with them. For me, the majority that I have sexual intercourse with at uni, I have had a positive relationship with. I also don’t want them to feel embarrassed about sleeping with me – I feel they would if it was just a random encounter.
I find that my best interactions and conversations I’ve had have been post coital. If I were in a monogamous relationship, the possibility of being confronted with a broad range of opinions and ideas would be low.
To summarise, I like having positive relationships with friends. I abhor the view that you have to push these relations towards a monogamous relationship.
I: Don’t you think its unfair to these people? Do they not feel used?
B: I don’t think its unfair. I think it can be incredibly unfair to pressure someone into a monogamous relationship.
I’d say I think its clear to the people I engage in relations with that I’m not the kind of person that will have sex with anyone. I like having relations with people that I respect and that respect me and if I’m to have repeat relations with a person then I make sure I communicate with them that I’m not wanting to enter a monogamous relationship.
I find lots of people attractive. I find lots of people interesting – I’ve been described as somewhat of a social butterfly – I think this accounts for why I have relations with so many people.
I: Do you think they use you?
B: No. I’m part of the act. I wouldn’t sleep with someone if I didn’t want to. Its a two way thing – we both want to sleep with each other.
I: Do you think you’ve hurt anyone? If so how did that make you feel.
B: I think before I answer I’d like to provide some context. In every relationship – any environment where someone wants something and the other wants anything, there are bound to be elements of disappointment.
I’ve dealt with disappointment and thats part of life – I think you have to deal with it in an empathetic and conscientious way. A few people that I’ve had relations with – especially ones that I’ve had more regular encounters with – who I’ve been open with about my lack of a desire to be in a monogamous relationship have respected the fact that I hold these principles.
Some have been disappointed after I’ve slept with other people but I think this disappointment is short lived and not as bad as the disappointment they’d feel if I had led them to think that I wanted a monogamous relationship. There’s no one – I think – that hates me after I’ve had relations with them.
Whatever your view on Benedict’s view or lifestyle, its clear that he thoroughly enjoys being at university and isn’t concerned by the possible ethical issues of his lifestyle. But we’re at university, so why not right?
There will undoubtedly be lots that disagree with his lifestyle and will want to criticise his ideals but hopefully he has explained himself adequately in this interview.