Can straight people please stop trying to pull at OMG?

As a bright eyed, bushy tailed, recently out-of-the-closet fresher, OMG was presented to me as the mecca of LGBT+ in Bristol. It was pink, tacky, filled with cheap Jagerbombs and most importantly: hot girls.

Coming from a very conservative small town, being presented with an entire club dedicated to queer people was like being given a new lease of life. Unlike straight clubs, no fights happen, no girls are crying in the bathroom, the bouncers don’t look like they want to deck you and no one is high. It’s good old-fashioned, light-hearted fun.

The issue is a phenomenon known as the Straight Creep. He appears when you least expect him, without a friendship group, barely even dancing.

So you’ve just finished pres with your friends, staggered down Park Street and made it into OMG.

You grab some £1 jagerbombs and head onto the dancefloor. You’re getting down to this. Sick. Beat. Your eyes lock with a girl on the dancefloor. You sashay over and throw some sick shapes, you can tell she’s impressed. Maybe you buy her a drink. Maybe you go straight in for a kiss. Either way you pause. You feel a strange sensation. You’re being watched. You’re being stared at. You turn around and there he is, the Creep. You think he must just be zoned out and not realise he’s staring. But when you go to kiss her, it happens.

Shudder. He cheers. He thinks it’s hot to watch two girls making out. The only reason he’s here. To all the Creeps out there, on behalf of all women above 0 on the Kinsey scale: we’re not doing it for you.

On multiple occasions I have been approached by straight guys in OMG, my arm around a girl, my lipstick still smudged on her face, probably secluded in a dark corner (read the signs dumbass), and subsequently hit on. It’s ridiculous. It’s a place for queer people to do queer things. Not a place for you to fetishize my sexuality or try a cheeky tricycle.

You’re not wanted here

Now, I know there are creeps at every club. I know OMG isn’t special in that respect, but I’m arguing here it should be. OMG should be a place where LGBT+ people can go and not feel like they’re being watched.

No, it’s not a great place to pick up girls if you’re a guy. Turning up with the lads and grinding on girls is just going to get you a weird look and quick exit, so don’t think you’re a genius for discovering us bisexuals. You’re just as unappealing here as at Bunker.

2 gay 4 u

The LGBT+ community needs OMG. We need a place to dance with people we’re attracted to. But more than that, we need a place where we are not the minority. LGBT+ clubs exist to give people who don’t identify as straight somewhere to be around similar people and just enjoy a fun night.

No, the stripper pole and cage don’t mean everyone is sex crazed freaks. Most of us have spent our lives denying our identities and are finally able to be ourselves without fear of public recoil, through the freedom of gay+ events and societies. This needs to extend to a night out.

Like it or not, we’re here we’re queer and we don’t want you near (OMG).

But if you’re straight and not trying to hit on girls, prove your masculinity or mock anyone, I look forward to dancing with you. Respect gender and sexual identities and dress for the occasion. Fabulous is the dress code, FYI.