Is your food up to scratch? We rated UoB students’ plates

Some people need to go to cooking classes. Now.

A lot of parents worry about their children when they leave home for the first time. This may be because they’ll struggle with their university course or don’t know how to use the washing machine. However, it is unbelievable how many young people don’t know how to cook.

Surely it isn’t that hard to read a BBC Good Food recipe or watch a YouTube video, but somehow the students of UoB are lacking in the chef department.

Clearly the secondary school food tech classes didn’t pay off. Here is a collection of your plates that The Birmingham Tab have rated. Brace yourself.

1. Rice and spaghetti – 0/10

We aren’t making a strong start. First of all, who even mixes rice and spaghetti as it shouldn’t be allowed. Secondly, there is no sauce in this dish at all so imagine how dry it is! Whilst I can appreciate that someone has made the effort to cook both spaghetti and rice, this still can’t be rated higher than a zero. I can imagine that this person only had spaghetti and rice left in their cupboard and instead of going to Aldi and buying a pasta sauce, thought this would be a yummy mix. What a struggle meal.

2. Korma and chips – 7/10

Hear me out on this one. Curry and chips together is an elite mix, and korma just makes this meal the icing on the cake. You need to be drowning your rice or chips in curry sauce and I refuse to believe there’s any other way to do it. This dish has been marked down as the chips just look like the bog-standard oven ones instead of homemade. Bonus points for the naan bread in the background though!

3. Pancake? – 2/10

Is this even a pancake? Who knows! The only reason this dish was marked as high as a two was for the broken-up digestives on top. Otherwise, this is a disaster. If this person is that desperate for a pancake, walk down the road and take a trip to Ciao Bella. I promise they will do a better job than you!

4. Meatballs, rice and bolognese sauce – 5/10

There has been a lot of effort put into this meal. The meatballs are impressive and there’s nothing wrong with packet rice from Aldi, but what is with the mammoth dollop of tomato sauce on top? This dish is most definitely still edible (which you can’t say for all the plates in this article) so it scores a solid five. Cut back on the tomato sauce and you have yourself a decent meal!

5. Pork chops – 1/10

Oh dear. I appreciated the clarification of this being a pork chop as it most definitely could of been bacon! Totally inedible, unless you enjoy the taste of charred black on your meat. We’ll let this person off though as it could happen to anyone – we’ve all turned our backs and burnt something, whether it’s your toast or chicken!

6. Chicken roast – 10/10

Mwah, delicious! Absolutely no improvements to be made! They made the elite choice to have tenderstem broccoli instead of regular, and those roasters look so crispy. Mixed herbs across the whole dish and chicken gravy just to top it off! Well done – you give us all hope that students aren’t totally incompetent at cooking.

7. Egg on toast – 1/10

Ew. Is there much more to say? Having no butter on the toast is absolutely criminal but obviously the issue with this dish is they are eating raw egg. Need I say more?

8. Peas and naan bread – -1/10

What kind of combination is this? I love a naan bread as much as the next person, but it has to be paired with a curry! I can’t get my head round why someone would think peas are a yummy choice. It’s so dry! There’s nothing to dip the bread into. This meal is totally unhinged and it’s the only dish to make it into the minus section.

9. Burger – 6/10

This is a pretty strong meal. A lot of effort has been put into making the burger, but what is with the mayo-like stuff underneath. It has the colour of mayonnaise but the texture of hummus – so that’s a no from me! The chips look a bit bland and why is there avocado on the side? Work on your presentation but overall a pretty solid dish.

10. Chicken, mushrooms and rice – 3/10

Let’s point out the obvious first. Why is there leftover stock chilling in the background? Please tell me that isn’t going to be added onto the dish and it’s just a coincidence to be sat right behind the bowl. The meal is very liquidy though so I’m not convinced. Anyways, it looks very strange so fingers crossed it tastes better than it looks.

11. Fish fingers, peas and bread – 5/10

This is so close to being a great meal. Fish finger sandwiches are elite, no questions asked. Need I even repeat myself though: the bread requires butter for this to be scoring higher than a five. Cook yourself some wedges or fries and you’re on to a real winner!

12. Chicken katsu – 9/10

Wow! If I didn’t know better, I would have though this was a meal from Wagamamas. The katsu chicken looks really crispy and there’s just the right amount of sauce. If I was to be nit-picky, there a few too many seeds on top for my liking. With that said, I would devour this in a heartbeat!

13. Stir fry – 2/10

Where are the noodles? You cannot call this dish a stir fry without there being any noodles, or at least some rice. This just looks like a pile of vegetables and possibly some description of meat. Personally, I wouldn’t put cauliflower in a stir fry either. The only correct place for cauliflower is with cheese on top! There’s no seasoning which is a massive disadvantage. I’m trying to find a positive for this meal – so credit where credit is due, they have cooked at least six vegetables here. Good job on getting your five a day!

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