Here are the eight types of Selly housemate in lockdown

From the online shopper to the interior designer

3 years ago

We’re half way through Lockdown 2.0 and we are all choosing different ways to spend the endless empty days.

We have experienced more time with our housemates than ever before and have started to notice their weird habits and lockdown hobbies.

The Birmingham Tab have compiled a list of every type of lockdown housemate we all know and love.

1. The avid exerciser

This person has their sh** disgustingly together. They miss tiv gym more than their parents at this point and are single-handedly responsible for GymShark’s sell outs. They’re up at seven for their brisk 5k canal runs, kale smoothie in hand. At Pres they’ll be spotted cutting up lines of protein powder. Arguably the most annoying of this list, due to their constant rearranging of the living room for rigorous home workouts.

Most likely to say: “can I use your baked bean cans as weights bro?”

2. The sesh hound

This housemate is borderline alcoholic and for some reason is always asking who’s seen their key. Lockdown coping mechanisms include getting black out on a Tuesday afternoon for ‘something to do’. They’re best friends with ‘boss man’ in the Teignmouth WineStop and have been seen ashing into someone’s mug of tea.

Most likely to say: “who’s got paracetamol?”

3. The one breaking the lockdown rules

Every house has the person who swears they ‘got COVID last November’ and is blaming their continuous cough on a hangover. They’ve changed their number after 48 missed calls from track and trace and are always trying to get away with using their hand as a mask in the library. According to this housemate, their 80 person ‘gathering’ is ‘just their support bubble’.

Most likely to say: “what’s the motive tonight lads?”

4. The interior designer

This housemate has decided lockdown 2.0 means time to re do their whole room. I use the term, ‘interior designer’ lightly as it consists of free prints, ikea plants and LEDs. Commonly spotted scouring #roomaesethetic on tiktok and pinterest. Their daily lockdown walk is to Wilko in the retail park for more Blu Tac. I hate to break it to you but fake ivy doesn’t make you ‘indie’.

Most likely to say: “do Aldi sell fairy lights?”

5. The one with the weird sleeping schedule

You haven’t seen them in five days, and are wondering if they’re actually still alive. Occasionally they’ll emerge to have a bowl of cereal for their dinner before crawling back into their Netflix cave. Their only nutrition is Dixy Chicken fries and the herb packets which come with Ramen, let’s just say lockdown’s getting to them. You hear them showering at 3am and they don’t recognise Selly during the day.

Most likely to say: “yeah I’m still catching up on week four’s lectures”

6. The online shopper

This housemate is getting their short term dopamine hit in lockdown from masses of deliveries. They’re the one who’s hundreds of pounds into their overdraft and most likely have a PLT next day delivery subscription. They’re on first name basis with the yodel guy (but sadly not the Hermes guy who just throws your parcel in the recycling bin). This housemate hasn’t eaten for two weeks in preparation for Black Friday.

Most likely to say: “is anyone in today for my delivery?”

7. The baker

Banana bread is very lockdown 1.0 but this housemate hasn’t got the memo. Despite everyone in the house being gluten free and vegan, there is a factory-like production of traybakes. When your Aldi Danpak goes missing, this is the person to point fingers at. They’re never doing their mounds of washing up, but somehow get away with it because occasionally one of their bakes is edible.

Most likely to say: “can I borrow your pasta bake dish for this brownie recipe?”

8. The top shagger

This housemate is the culprit for everyone’s sleepless lockdown nights. They’re filling the empty lockdown days by swiping tinder and sending ‘you up’ texts at 4.30pm. They can list off the top of their head which JHoots pharmacies sell Plan B. Anytime you want to use the washing machine, it’s full of their bed sheets.

Most likely to say: “can i get a vodka cranberry?”