The five stages of Tinder at Aberystwyth

There is one thing about Aber that every student needs to know. Getting the Tinder App in Aber is simply not worth it. When stuck in the Aber bubble you inevitably go through several stages of the life with Tinder. Here’s what will happen to you if you use Tinder in Aber:

Stage One: Freshers

You’ve arrived back at university, you didn’t have any luck with Tinder last year but here comes the new students to replace the old so you’re feeling confident. You re-download the app and prepare for a tidal wave of right-swipes eager to find out more about your trip to Prague that you subtly slipped into your description.

You spend your first night furiously swiping the feed, not even bothering to expand their profiles – soon you’ll be drowning in super-models or fit rugby players. But suddenly the feed ends, you’ve got maybe 5, 10, 20, 50 matches? Not bad for a days work but it all seems to have ended rather quickly, you expand your search but within minutes you’ve exhausted the list – it dawns on you how isolated Aber is even on a 150km search radius.

You chat to a few people, its awkward and you forget to reply as you get swept up in Fresher’s week. You’ve met loads of great people in real-life and Tinder is forgotten about.

What you spend 80% of your time looking at

Stage Two: The Lull

Freshers is over, but you made friends and are having a blast hanging out with them. Tinder is just another app on your phone that’s just in the background, occasionally prompting you with a match or a notification. You pick it up once or twice but university has taken over and you don’t really have time for it amongst the work, Netflix and pizza.

You prefer spending your time on the beach or at Harley’s rather than Tinder. Occasionally you’ll make awkward eye-contact with somebody you matched in Yokos but it’s quickly forgotten, you’re better than Tinder.

Stage Three: Rebirth

Over Christmas you re-downloaded to test the waters at home, you match with your friends and have jokingly-flirty conversations with them – you remember that Tinder can be fun. It’s nice being wrapped up in bed chatting to people you sort-of know from home as winter rages on outside. You arrive back at Aber and feel optimistic that you’ll be even more successful this semester, somehow there are new matches to be had in such a small place and you dare to try a few cheesy pick-up lines. There’s just one problem: you know everybody!

Whether it’s that guy you danced with, or the girl from your course somehow everybody on Tinder is familiar. Sometimes a close friend or flat-mate will pop up and you’ll rummage through their profile looking for falsities, but otherwise the faces are unfamiliarly familiar. You’ll see some super hot people on there and immediately think: “They don’t go to Aber, nobody looks like that” – you swipe right anyway in desperate hope.

It’ll never last

Stage Four: First Dates

Are they the one? Surely you won’t meet the one on Tinder, but here you find yourself, meeting for coffee with that cute guy or girl. You had a nice chat about the storms and the hobbies you wish you did more often and it seemed only right that you met up for a date. You try to keep it classy with a Sophie’s coffee or a cocktail in Libertines but the bubble is back to ruin your fun.

This time, everybody knows them. You have to pause the conversation multiple times walking down the main street as their friends come rushing over, talking about the night before, not-so-subtly looking you over and giving them a wink. You can’t go more than ten paces without bumping into someone that one of your knows. Even sat down, the waiting staff turn out to be your entire course or a house-mate that you ditched in first year.

Eventually you’ll get a moment to yourselves, but even your date knows you through their friend’s, ex-boyfriend’s cousin.

Stage Five: Tinder is dead

Even when you get lucky, the effort required in Aber just doesn’t seem to justify it. The end of the year is approaching and everybody you match with is connected to you somehow, there’s no such thing as discretion in Aber – the bubble always finds a way for a random to approach you on a night out and say “You’re dating thingy, right?”. Most of the best people you meet don’t even use Tinder and the ones who do haven’t checked it in months.

Tinder in Aber is dead, this isn’t a city, it’s a small town bubble where everybody knows everybody’s business. Maybe you’ll try again next freshers…

The final step