If choosing a pub near my house for our first date is now an ick, I’ll happily be single forever

Everyone has their own rules for dating. Everyone has their own icks, their own ticks and their own petty reasons for calling something off with someone. It’s more prominent than ever in today’s climate, in which we date mostly virtually at first – making our minds up on who we want to spend a few hours over a beer with based off a few pictures of them at their best and most approachable and on if they can string a sentence together on a dating app. For me, if you look fit, can make me laugh and don’t communicate with gifs that make me feel like I’m talking to a middle aged colleague on Microsoft Teams then I’ll see you at the pub. It’s fun to share your dating icks, and TikTok is letting us do it easier than ever on a massive scale. But, as last night proved on social media, make sure you’re in the right before you do so.

A video on TikTok posted by self-described insult comic Anthony Gilét doing an exposé of what he perceived to be a huge “red flag”: the guy he was speaking to dared to suggest a pub near his house when asking Gilét on a date. For over two minutes, Gilét puts his dating app match on blast for his behaviour. This is why I think he’s talking absolute shite.

We’re talking about a first date with a stranger

Gilét starts his rant by saying that “the ONE thing I won’t accept for a potential date, and you shouldn’t either” is when the guy he’s speaking to chooses a pub that’s in the area he lives in. So many issues with this, so little time. Firstly, Gilét is somewhat miffed about the choice of a pub in the first place because “there’s hundreds of pubs”. “I’m not saying you have to take me to the top of The Shard, but it doesn’t cost a fortune to be original,” he continues – which I find even stranger. Are you going on a date with this person because you’re into them and want to get to know them, or because you want to be taken to somewhere you find impressive? What are the priorities here?

If I was taking a guy out for a drink and thinking of somewhere to go for our first date, do you know where would probably come to mind? The places that I like and know are good. Where are the places that I like and know are good? Unsurprisingly, they’re not too far from where I live. Because that’s what happens when you live in an area – you find nice places and go to them. Why would anyone suggest a pub they don’t know as well or an area they’re less familiar with when coming up with somewhere? If according to TikTok dating icks include this, there’s no hope for any of us.

Rather than suggest another pub or maybe somewhere near where he lives, Gilét sends his potential date a big message saying that this choice must mean that the guy is inconsiderate because he’s putting in minimal effort and is probably not that into it.

The hypocrisy of it all is outrageous

Gilét says that the other reason why people pick pubs close to their house is because they expect to sleep with you after the date, and brands it as “presumptuous”. The lack of self-awareness is astounding, after an entire video of mental gymnastics as to why somebody would pick a pub near their house for a date. Unsurprisingly, the potential date calls Gilét mental – as most would be wan to do after getting a message as convoluted as the one this date got after picking a pub for a potential pint.

I’m relieved that the majority of social media is calling this video out as ridiculous. I’ve had great dates near my house, and I’ve gone on great dates near other guy’s houses. I share my world with you, you share your world with me. It’s called dating. It’s called getting to know each other. It’s called being a grown up and not speaking like you’re from an outdated American romcom from 2003.

TikTok is buzzword central

A lot of terms and words get thrown about in this video, and it’s a reflection of the way TikTok talks about dating in general. Gaslighting, immaturity, human decency, presumptuous – all words that filter round that app in a post West Elm Caleb world with barely even a surface level understanding of what they mean. If this is the dating world I have to navigate, I’m at peace with being single. If you’re someone who decides they don’t want to go on a date with me because I picked a pub near to my house, and your first instinct is to go on the attack rather than just suggest somewhere you’d prefer, then some fresh air and perspective is needed urgently.

TikTok has encouraged a self righteous mindset in which people think that because they’ve posted a big video on something, whether that be dating icks and no-nos or otherwise, they’re in the right. Everyone is well within their rights to not want to go on a date with someone from a dating app for whatever reason they see fit. If I see the words “politically moderate” on Hinge, I will never contact that man again – for example. Gilét could have just felt the way he feels and ended it there and then. But he chose instead to do a rant about it, putting a guy on blast for a way that he feels which is not everybody else’s truth.

Don’t let TikTok tell you what dating icks are and what you should or shouldn’t be doing. You don’t have less emotional maturity for suggesting a local pub you love. Even if you shag on a first date, don’t let pontificators on TikTok make you feel like it’s less than. If you’re really into someone – location shouldn’t matter. And if you want to learn more about dating dos and don’ts, go on some dates and see for yourself rather than trusting everything TikTok tells you. You’ll be better off for it.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

•These stories about girls getting the ick are literally giving me the ick

•Have you caught The Ick or is it just a phase? Take this quiz to find out

•‘He wanked next to me as I slept’: The wildest reasons you’ve caught The Ick