These stories about girls getting the ick are literally giving me the ick
‘He once wore bootleg trousers. I hate bootleg trousers’
You know that wonderful feeling when you’re dating someone and they’re intelligent, attractive, funny and sexy and you can’t imagine ever going off them. And then suddenly you start to notice that awful pair of shoes they keep wearing or their teeny tiny hands or the weird grunting noise they make when they eat, and now every time you look at them all you can you think is – “ew”. This is what it feels like when girls get the ick. It comes out of nowhere, it’s often involuntary but once it’s arrived there’s no going back.
Everyone who has ever had feelings for someone has felt some level of the ick. So, let’s all join together and laugh because we’ve collected the absolute worst of the worst ick stories that will make you cringe, gag and never want to shag again.
My boyfriend dribbled on me mid-missionary position
Things had been a bit weird between us for a while so we decided to have a romantic evening – went out for dinner, had a few drinks but the spark still wasn’t quite there. One thing that always worked well between us was the sexual chemistry so when we got home we had passionate sex and just as I thought the fire was back, he dribbled on me. This wasn’t just a little dribble, it was so much saliva that it flopped onto my forehead and dripped down into my eye and then my mouth. I didn’t want to embarrass him so I didn’t say anything. However, I felt so icked I had to end it. Katya, 21
He ate the yolk of the egg all in one and it made me gag
He did this a few times in our relationship until I couldn’t ignore it anymore – it was so grim. He would cut around the yolk, stab it with his folk and put the whole thing in his mouth. I swear that’s the sign of a psychopath. The relationship ended three years ago and I’m still not over this. Isabella, 22
He still wore the Next pants his mum bought him when he was 14
Look, I don’t judge people for the pants they wear. However, when it’s the same Next boxers that his mum bought him when he was 14 it starts to get weird. They were so small and tight. I could see him as a 14-year-old wearing them – it was so off-putting. He also only owned like six pairs of these Next pants and one definitely had a hole in them. Just buy some new pants, they don’t have to be anything fancy, just in one piece pls. Phoebe, 24.
He thought calling my vagina a ‘cunt’ was dirty talk
I was shagging this guy on and off and as we started getting comfortable with each other, I told him I liked it rough, including dirty talk. Instead of the normal choking or spanking, he started calling my vagina “cunt” which I hated. Then, he blurted out “if you don’t suck me off, I’ll punch you”. I don’t think he understood how to talk dirty. I told him that’s fucked up and never saw him again. Kate, 20.
He started wearing those holey t-shirts – it was time to end it
He always had a smelly dick and it gave me the ick
Not to be rude because no one is 100 per cent fresh all the time, but this guy’s dick always smelt. Obviously it’s hard to be super attracted to someone when they’re dick smelt and it became clear he just wasn’t showering, which is rude. Emily, 22.
He once wore bootleg trousers. I hate bootleg trousers
I was sleeping with a guy who looked like Jon Snow. After a while, I slowing began getting the ick anyway and then one day he showed up in bootleg jeans. When I asked about them hoping he’d tell me it was a big joke, he mentioned his mum had bought them. I had to leave. Eliza, 20.
His awful manners made me feel the ick
I got the ick hugely with a guy I was seeing last term because I realised he had no manners. He wouldn’t ever let people out in a queue of traffic, or say thanks to a bus driver. Also, he used to laugh when I said “let’s leave a tip”. He worked full-time, he could afford to leave a bloody tip. Jessica, 23.
When he fingered me, he would intensely stare at my vagina
This guy and I had been shagging for months and he never did anything out of the ordinary. Then suddenly, every time he fingered me, he would stare deeply into my vagina. Like I would look at him to encourage eye contact or even a kiss, but nothing. It was like he was hypnotised by it. Like he was staring into the eyes of the snake from The Jungle Book but it was my vag. Sarah, 22.