Not that anyone has asked this, but which 2018 meme is your uni?
*Clicks article* Brain: Don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it. Mouth: This is the best article I’ve ever read.
This is why no-one really pays attention to real life anymore. Real life hurts. You know what doesn't hurt? Memes. Memes are warm, memes are cosy. They'll give you a laughter cuddle and tell you everything will be alright. In 2018 we all pretty much replaced caring about real life with caring about memes. Give me that club photo Milk meme and the yodelling Walmart kid over Brexit and Mac Miller dying any day.
Now that it's been rigorously proven that memes matter more than real life, there's really only one more question that needs answering: If your university was a 2018 meme, which would yours be?
No no, don't thank me, just read. Read it, enjoy it, and weep for the world of years gone by where they didn't do surgery on a grape.
Aberdeen – You’ll Never See Me Again
The last words every Aberdeen student says to their home friends.
Belfast – The Simpsons “I’m in danger”
The only thing you need to know about the Holylands, since you’re obviously never going to go there, is that they are loose as fuck. They are a veritable gold mine for classic antics, but tread carefully.
Birmingham – Surprised Pikachu
The surprised Pikachu meme made something new out of something old, just as Birmingham continues to act as if its ever-increasing student burglary statistics are news.
Bournemouth – Closing flip phone
Bournemouth and their "beachy paradise" think they're better than anyone else. They live in a bubble, and shut anyone out who bad mouths that decrepit pier and tacky seafront.
Bristol – I’m not a Tory
All anyone from Bristol says after they’ve just told someone at pres about their three weeks in Sri Lanka which mummy and daddy paid for and their New Year’s Eve plans in Chamonix.
Brookes – Moth meme
It’s an empirically observable fact that Brookes students are the fittest students in the world. Unfortunately, they’re so eye-meltingly pretty that you’ll inevitably burn up in your thirsty quest to attain their love.
Cambridge – Theresa May dancing
Awkward and not fun to be around.
Coventry – Most ambitious crossover
The most bizarre story to ever grace the West Midlands broke earlier this month, when it was revealed that a fake Fake Taxi was driving round Cov in an attempt to entice girls into his car. The real Fake Taxi even waded in to call him out! Truly the most ambitious cross-over in history.
Durham – Meghan looking at Prince Harry
Statistically, Durham students get married to people they meet there like, a lot. At this point, the statistic has become a self-fulfilling prophecy and prospective brides are always on the prowl for their soulmate at Klute.
Edinburgh – Milk Meme
Aside from the fact that this meme originated in Edinburgh itself, it also peaked in Edinburgh after it was married beautifully to this lovely story involving a couple passed out mid-shag in Appleton Tower.
Exeter – George Ezra
Exeter students all have a Barbie & Ken aura of fitness that maps perfectly onto George Ezra, who dances about in this truly bizarre video like every rugby lad who’s ever set foot in TP.
Hull – I don’t feel so good
Hull is struggling so much to stay afloat, that it’s cancelling its courses one-by-one. The Modern Languages took a bit hit this year, so gutted for you if you’d picked it out for a masters. Soon it’ll just be one guy in a room on his own – weeping over a Plato commentary.
Kent – Distance meme
Kent is not a London uni, although their attempts to try and tell you it is one are very cute.
King’s – Love patience pain
King’s students don’t ever shut up about their ever-changing Wednesday night venue. When Walkabout shut its doors and gave way to the behemoth that Piccadilly Institute, no one was happy. When The Vault finally stepped in to replace both Waterfront and PI, reactions were mixed. They’ll just have to take a leaf out of Ariana’s book and move on.
Leeds – Squinting meme
Liverpool – Fiat 500
If you’ve made it this far into the list you should probably reward yourself with a fetching Fiat 500 girl T-shirt. Probably.
UCL – Surgery on a grape
Thing is with this meme is you get it but you don’t get it. Like you don't get why anyone would chose to go to a London uni and pay £700 in rent.
Loughborough – Buff Kim K
Loughborough students are all stupidly hench. Next.
Manchester – Jonny Jonny, yes papa
After a big night out at WHP this becomes the conversations of the 7am ketty afters.
Newcastle – Next thing I knew I was pregnant
Newcastle students are so hot you literally become pregnant after interacting with one. And what beautiful children you'll have!!!!
Nottingham and Trent – Trump yelling at the little boy
Nottingham students have one – and only one – thread of chat to which they constantly refer when it dawns on them that they essentially go to Exeter’s slightly wankier cousin: and that’s that they are better than their local poly. Well done guys.
Trent, like the little boy, can take solace from the fact that, while they aren’t in much of a position to clap back – at least they don’t go to Nottingham.
Oxford – Yodelling Walmart kid
Oxford students have been jammy all their life. They started off being the smartest in class, the best at everything, going on to Oxford then a £50k job straight after graduating. Yodelling Walmart boy is the same – he started from humble beginnings then it all snowballed and ended up with him headlining Coachella. Like wtf.
Royal Holloway – Beyonce and Ed Sheeran
Take my hand and I’ll lead you through the streets of Egham, where glamorous and boundlessly extra international students strut into Imagine for their bubble tea, dressed to the nines like Beyonce in this meme, ignoring the peasantry of their male counterparts.
Southampton – The don’t say it meme
You really have to hand it to Emily Dawes, the newly-elected SU pres who managed to balls up her job about 20 minutes after acquiring it with a tweet so poorly judged it might have been synthesised by a bot aiming to piss of Sun readers. Never come for the troops, Emily. Never come for the troops.
St Andrews – Not a cell phone in sight
You literally can’t get any reception that far up Scotland.
UWE – Miley Cyrus blue eyes
How every UWE girl in Lakota looks at 5am.
Warwick – Ramp highway exit meme
Literally any Warwick student when they found out they didn't get into Oxbridge.