An A-Z of lateness as a Glasgow student

In the wider university experience, no one is a stranger to stumbling into a lecture crimson faced and sweaty. Whether or not you consider yourself to be a ‘late person’ as a whole, a misjudgment of timing, or the size of the hill up to the main building will undoubtedly trip you up. As a tried and tested late student and individual, my diligence in never being on time has left me with a guaranteed set of reasons in my own head that mean that I’m permitted to be late, all aligning with the 5 minute allowance we are provided to actually account for lateness at the start of the lecture. Generously, I will share these reasons, like a morally skewed fairy godmother of tardiness, purely in the hopes that more people join my club and therefore less are frowning as I run into a lecture panting and perspiring.

A whole class of excuses are undoubtedly due to timing or distance issues (the boring and genuine reasons for being late), so let’s get those out of the way first.

A change in your schedule

Let’s say your 11am seminar got moved from 4 University Gardens to the St Andrews building – a horrific occurrence that has happened to me and I hope doesn’t happen to you. You are allowed to be at least 15 minutes late to this and my apologies for your troubles and trauma.

Weather changes

image via Unsplash

You left the house sans umbrella, and it starts chucking it down 10 minutes into your walk into uni. Option A: walk back to the flat and get your umbrella. Option B: treat yourself to a Blank Street and hide out the worst of the weather. Either option allows for a delay of at least 10 minutes.

Timing misjudgement

Your lecture that you swore was at 11 is actually at 10? You bumped into an acquaintance that you couldn’t really dodge on the way to the Charles Wilson building? In both cases you aren’t to blame, 15 minutes delay granted, I recommend taking the back stairs and just sucking up the awful view of the board.

Now, the interesting and rather singular excuses that still ought to be accounted for.

Any Thursday morning lecture

This goes without saying, you are exempt from attending this. Enjoy a Thursday lunch with a friend, spend your evening listening to the lecture as a podcast whilst you eat the world. That lecture hall will not miss you, there is no place for a slightly green Pint of Fun-filled student at a Thursday 9am lecture. Better that you attend later seminars after a Berocca and something fried, then at least you’ll be able to acknowledge your surroundings.

Morning after a successful pub quiz

Let’s say this pub quiz occurs on a Tuesday night. Somehow, you win, or secure runner up. Celebrations ensue. Someone suggests a Juicy Tuesdays. Boom. You’re in Bistro after lights on. Academic prowess in a pub setting is still academic prowess, therefore your Wednesday 10am is… that’s right, SKIPPABLE! Congratulations and spend that bar tab wisely.

Most Read

Full list of quotes for TikTok’s ‘1000 Little Things’ trend, that’s based on old Tumblr blog

Bonnie Blue details the x-rated accident that occurred at her ‘milk me’ stunt, and I’m wincing

An investigation into *that* filthy ‘leaked’ Justin Bieber video, as people demand an OnlyFans

Evening lecture after 10-4 basically back-to-back

You already know what I’m going to say. At around 18-23, in no way should we be expected to soldier on through our days past 6pm. It’s cruelty, and more importantly, you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Stand up for yourself and go home. You can make your dinner whilst watching the recording and still have time to get ready and go to pres.

The art of the multi-task

Your seminar is straight after the lecture you’re currently sat in. You haven’t even looked at the reading and you’re already starting to get hungry. Welcome to the art of the multitask. Immediately press record on voice memos and place your phone on the surface, open your laptop and skim read as fast as humanly possible. Look up the building you’re going to next to make sure you aren’t unprepared and complete the work you need to. There is no need for you to risk your attendance rate if you’re already sat in an enclosed working space.

Unexpected circumstances

On a stroll down Byres Road a volunteer stops you. Save the Children maybe, Cats Protection, SSPCA, local elections, either way the guilt tripping factor is at the highest level, late or not your conscience will overweigh the ever-ticking clock and suddenly you’re five minutes late. You may also be stopped by a protest. This also stretches towards run-ins with friends, but I will detail this separately and you’ll soon see why.

Tthe aquaintance run-in

Easy, quick, small talk. This is where you are obliged to briefly chat, because if you’re not keen to go for a pint or a coffee later, then it’s not super defensible for you to sprint off. For this, I will allow 5-10 minutes of lateness.

A catastrophic run-in

You bump into one of your best mates and upon giving them a massive hug, they burst into tears. A bad day, a breakup, a firing, all situations where the victim undoubtedly needs a sweet treat and a chat, and in my personal opinion this is your duty to provide. Friendships are the most worthwhile token we take from our time at university, so this circumstance allows you a lecture skip.

If there’s anything to take from this list, it is that the late people in the room have reasons for their tardiness, and the majority of these are relatable! A lack of time awareness is in no way connected to being slovenly or lazy, it is the culmination of a scattered brain in a scattered lifestyle! This is not the fault of the individual, be grateful for your friends who are always late to their lectures, and every so often it’s because they just don’t want to stop hanging out with you! Now, sweet late students, use this guide wisely, not every hangover is the worst you’ve ever had, and not every ‘friend’ you’ve met in the club is worth skiving a lecture for a coffee (though in my experience, they probably are). Happy lecture skipping! The Tab says its okay.

For more of the latest news, guides, gossip and memes, follow The Glasgow Tab on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.