Um, a family is hiring a £180k tutor to get their child into boarding schools like Eton

Are you seeking a new side hustle? Do you have a decent understanding of “quintessentially British experiences”? Have you tutored other kids before? Well, you might be in luck! A mysterious (and evidently extremely rich) London family is hiring a tutor to prep their kid for boujie UK boarding schools such as Eton so he can become “an English gentleman”. The salary? £180,000 a year. Really.

The job advert is live right now on the Tutors International website. This family wants a tutor to “provide a comprehensive British cultural environment” for their child. The ad explains: “In time, the family hope their son will be accepted at a top-flight school such as Eton, St Paul’s, Westminster or Harrow. It is important that boy’s education, even at the Early Years stage, starts to prepare him for this kind of life. ”

Um, are we sure going to Eton is worth all this?

Apparently, they think their kid has a better shot of getting into these top private boarding schools if the tutor exposes him “to a wide range of quintessentially British experiences to help hone his habits, outlooks, tastes and sporting preferences” Suggestions for this include taking the watch cricket at Lord’s or tennis at Wimbledon so he learns the rules of these sports. The tutor should also take the kid to art galleries, museums and theatres. The family would like their child to start visiting equestrian clubs and rowing clubs in London “on a formal or informal basis” in order “to build the boy’s awareness of these traditional sports and their place in society”.

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Well, showing a baby a cricket match is one way to send them to sleep *yawns*

I would argue that a more efficient crash course in “quintessentially British things” would be to stick the child in front of Gavin and Stacey reruns with a Greggs sausage roll for tea. But I’m willing to compromise if the salary is negotiable x.

Right now, the pupil is the ripe old age of… 12 months. Seriously. The family started prepping their older child for boarding schools when he was five, but they now fear this was “too late to achieve their goal”.

These parents would also settle for their son going to Harrow

The job description requires the tutor to not smoke (uh, sure), to speak with a Pronounced English accent (ew), to be from a “socially appropriate background” (*gags*) and to “have attended the best schools and universities in England” (as it appears this family didn’t watch enough of The Crown to lean even King Charles III didn’t go to school in England). Oh, and “previous positions must have included roles within private residences, embassies, or royal households”. Ah, so close.

Presumably, you would also need to have no moral qualms about moulding a baby into an ill-thought-out imitation of a 19th-century British aristocrat.

The head of this tutor website has said that a) this advert is real b) he had to sign an NDA before he even learned the family’s surname c) 61 tutors had already applied by Wednesday. So if you’re interested, send in your CV before 16th November! *Jazz hands*.

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