Ranked: Every type of Durham housemate from best to worst

Signing a house with people is exciting. But you’re also never 100 per cent sure what you’ve got yourself into until you’re actually living with them. In honour of house-signing season on the horizon, here are the 10 kinds of housemates you’re likely to be saddled with for a whole academic year in Durham.

A word to the wise: Try not to be any of the bottom five…

10. The clean one

Undeniably the best housemate type around. This housemate vacuums the carpets, scrubs the bathrooms, and wipes the countertops – even when they didn’t make the mess. They probably do unnecessary things like polishing the doorknobs and colour-coordinating the tea towels too, which makes everyone’s life less chaotic. A fabulous addition to any house. Probably sucks to be them though, to be fair…

9. The decorator

This one is also S tier. The decorator sees the shared uni house as an interior design project and organises every element. They order candles in complementary colours, search the web for the world’s cosiest blankets, buy fresh flowers, and pick out the perfect wall decorations. They’re the critical element in turning your uni house into an actual home.

8. The nocturnal one

Unproblematic, but not very social… The nocturnal one only comes out at night and never participates in any of the house activities. They’re essentially a room filler. They don’t cause problems, but they definitely don’t contribute to a tight-knit house environment – and certainly not to a proper friend group.

7. The ghost

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This person is chronically out of the house. They’re always spending the night at a friend’s house in another university town – they’re on holiday somewhere every other week. Like the nocturnal one, they aren’t particularly sociable (at least not with the rest of the house), but they don’t cause problems. Mainly because they’re not there ever…

6. The kitchen hogger

This person thinks they’re a sous chef. Everything they cook involves five different pans, three hours in the kitchen, and more ingredients than you can count. However, there are two branches of this housemate type. There are the ones who can actually cook (even though the stuff they make is quite pretentious) and the ones who can’t (which makes the entire thing even more annoying).

5. The party animal

This housemate treats the house like a club. They invite the whole world over for pres, they leave the house in an utter state (with a million cups everywhere), and they keep you up really late blasting music. They’re well-meaning, but they sometimes need to be reminded that they’re in your home and not Jimmy’s.

4. The roommate

This person usually means well, but they’re constantly talking to you and hanging around in your room even though they are NFI. They’re usually a really nice person, but it can easily feel a little bit suffocating if they don’t give you your own space. Sometimes you just need some time alone to breathe and do your favourite solo activities.

3. The food stealer

This absolute leech is responsible for the rapid rise in your food shop costs. It’s fine if you ask politely to borrow the milk or coffee once in a while, but this person skates by on your groceries. Their fridge shelf is empty, but they’re always full. The thing that makes it even worse is that they’re always the richest person in the house – a typical Durham rah – but refuse to buy communal items when it’s their turn or their own snacks. Big L.

2. The Airbnb

This person sucks. They always have some random over, they treat the house like a hotel for strangers, they never ask their housemates if they’re okay with it, and they disturb everyone constantly. Walking to the bathroom and seeing some random person in there brushing their teeth is a haunting experience. Flop.

1. The freaky one

This is the worst of the lot. The freaky one is usually a random person you found to fill an empty room. They make everyone uncomfortable, are usually super messy, and they’re just overall bad vibes. The only benefit is the harrowing tales you can tell people in the smoking area at Klute.

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