The unofficial Fresher’s A–Z guide to Cambridge

You’ll get through it, one supervision at a time.

2 hours ago

So, you’ve done it. You survived A-Levels, UCAS didn’t spontaneously combust, and you’re officially heading to Cambridge. Congratulations! You’re about to spend the next three (or more) years juggling essay crises, formal dinners, and the perpetual hunt for a functioning bike lock. But before you dive headfirst into the chaos, here’s your unofficial A–Z guide to Cambridge life.

A is for “Actual Offer”

Yes, you got one. No, you’re not dreaming. Yes, you will still check UCAS Track another 17 times just in case the system has “realised its mistake.”

B is for “Bike”

You’ve got a cute second-hand one from Facebook Marketplace. Someone will try and steal it by week 4.

C is for “College Rivalry”

You’ll enter with no opinion on which college is best, and within two weeks you’ll be ready to duel anyone who dares imply your buttery isn’t the best.

D is for “Drinking Societies”

You’ll hear they’re like secret and dignified traditions. In reality, it’s showing up to brunch on C-Sunday already drunk and wet from jumping in the river Cam.

E is for “Essay Crisis”

An ancient Cambridge ritual involving 3,000 words, two Red Bulls, and the existential certainty that you’ll drop out to become a beekeeper.

F is for “Formal Hall”

Three-course dinners in black tie, where you’ll spend the first half feeling like royalty and the second half googling “how to remove wax from formal gowns.”

G is for “Gap Yah”

There’s always one. They will tell you they ‘found themselves’ in Peru. You will never ask, they will always tell. (I love you, really, gap year students x)

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H is for “Halls Drama”

By Week 2, using the powers of Tab Tarot, I predict you’ll be crying over a stolen tub of pasta and debating the ethics of fridge territory like it’s international politics.

I is for “Imposter Syndrome”

Mandatory issue upon arrival. Treat with strong coffee and reminding yourself that everyone here was accepted by people who are a lot clever than all of us.

J is for “JCR”

The Junior Common Room: part student union and part gossip hub. Unless you’re at Kings, speaking of…

K is for “King’s Chapel”

Looks stunning on the postcard your grandma will frame. You’ll mostly see it as an obstacle on your route to Sainsbury’s. (Tourists, I’ve come to realise, see the cycle lane as their own personal walkway).

L is for “Lectures”

Some are life-changing. Some are not. All will be uploaded to Moodle eventually.

M is for “May Ball”

A decadent all-night party in June (don’t ask). Your bank account will never recover, but you will have one of the best nights/mornings of your life.

N is for “Niche Subject Flex”

Someone will casually mention they’re studying Assyriology or ASNC. You will pretend to know what those are.

O is for “Old Court”

They are beautiful, historic, and apparently built with the exact dimensions required to twist your ankle on cobbles.

P is for “Plodge”

The porters’ lodge: a magical place where you collect post, occasionally lose dignity, and try not to make eye contact after being told off for walking on the grass.

Q is for “Queue”

Everything in Cambridge involves one, Revs cloakroom, Van of Life, or your DoS’s office to apologise for missing a deadline.

R is for “Raven Login”

Your digital key to everything, timetables, library books, even your own sense of self-worth.

S is for “Supervision”

Small-group teaching with an academic who’s read your essay and knows all of your insecurities.

T is for “Tompkins Table”

A ranking of colleges by academic results, aka the annual reason for petty college banter.

U is for “UL”

The University Library: a labyrinth containing every book ever published, and somehow none of the ones you actually need.

V is for “Van of Life”

A food van. A sacred pilgrimage site at 2am.

W is for “Week 5 Blues”

A termly tradition: half exhaustion, half emotional spiral, half wondering if I’m bad at fractions.

X is for “X-Ray Vision”

The supernatural ability freshers think they have to see through Cambridge traditions… until Week 1 hits and they’re just as lost in a Latin grace as everyone else.

Y is for “Your College Is Best”

You’ll cling to this belief until you see the other colleges’ brunch menus. (Queens’ hash browns have me in a chokehold)

Z is for “Zero Sleep”

Your default state for the next three years. Welcome to Cambridge.

Whether you end up rowing at dawn, living in the library, or simply perfecting your order at Van of Life, Cambridge will give you more stories, inside jokes, and varying addictions than you ever thought possible. You might arrive wide-eyed and convinced your college is the best (it’s not), but by the time you graduate, you’ll know the real secret: everyone is winging some element of life here, and that’s half the fun.

Evie du Bois | Features

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