A definitive list of the top 10 Manchester guys to avoid on Hinge

If you’re new to Manchester, or newly single, you may have found yourself turning to dating apps to meet the one. With it’s unthreatening interface and ideal amount of info-to-picture ratio, Hinge seems like the ideal place to meet the perfect match.

edit via Netflix

However, the “designed to be deleted” tagline really refers to the endless cycle of deleting (triggered by heinous pick-up lines arriving in your inbox) and re-downloading (when you’re bored of Tinder, again).

Don’t die for online dating, here’s a list of the top 10 guys to absolutely avoid on Hinge.

The one from your halls 

If you’re still in halls, run. No, the hook-up won’t be convenient, it’ll be absolutely inescapable. There’s no crime worse than flatcest and, yes, that even extends to the cute guy in the flat downstairs. For those of us who’ve moved out of halls, you do not need that trip down memory lane. 

The dog picture 

It’s manipulative! Chances are, it’s not even their dog. An age old tactic in convincing girls you’re approachable and down to earth, so don’t be fooled. I’m sure the family pet will never make an appearance in Manchester. 

The “future DILF”

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Trust me, this isn’t the guy you’re going to marry. This line has as much to it as “my perfect Sunday is a roast and a dog walk.” Someone said it at the pub quiz once and now he thinks it makes him seem like boyfriend material. Absolutely has a mullet and plans to grow a moustache.

The repeat offender 

For the more seasoned Hinge veterans, you’ve likely deleted and re-downloaded more times than you’ve been hungover at a 9am lecture. As a result, you’re getting the same circulation of singles in your area over and over again. If you matched with them once, there’s a high likelihood it’ll end in ghosting again. It’s an app, not a Ouija board.

The ex-situationship

Stand up. It’s not fate, it definitely wasn’t the right person at the wrong time. Take this profile to your housemates and ask them to remind you how many times you cried watching Bridget Jones, before you even consider sending that like. One more time: It’s an app, not a Ouija board. 

The Letterboxd lover 

This guy is insufferable. Even for the most avid film-lover, you’ll be trapped in a half hour conversation about the most pretentious (boring) movies within minutes of entertaining his “what’s your top three on letterboxd?”  He’s probably “really into” Wes Anderson, who isn’t?

The co-worker 

To be fair, this could be a laugh. Mixing business and pleasure is absolutely ill-advised, but if this is a co-worker from a job you couldn’t care less about losing, it’s your grave. Be warned, there’s a good chance you’ll simply never talk about it and a mild awkwardness will settle over the relationship. 

The one from home 

All of us are going forwards, none of us are moving backwards. Let’s be honest, you couldn’t handle long distance and the thought of heading back to your mum’s every weekend to see a boy will only spark joy for three dates. Broaden your horizons a bit. 

The raver 

This guy cares about two things: the sesh, and the gym. He can’t carry a conversation unless it’s about Warehouse Project, and he’s definitely cheated on every girlfriend he’s ever had. Always smells intensely of Dior Sauvage and mildly of sweat. Personal hygiene level: None. 

The one with the star sign in their profile

You know his mum is absolutely sick of getting “what time was I born” texts every time he goes on a date. That man knows his birth-chart, and it’s all to impress women. Minus points if he’s a Virgo or Gemini.

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• From the Armo to Muscle Manor: What your Manchester gym says about you