A considered ranking of Jennifer Lopez’s most cursed films, from worst to somehow worser

Jennifer Lopez is one of those actors who is so incredibly bankable and yet so incredibly panned. If Jennifer Lopez is in the cast list, you know the Rotten Tomatoes score is going to be, well, rotten. She has a lethal touch on the cinema industry – her special power is to get her pictures panned. And then came Hustlers – her 2019 flick that saw critical acclaim not just for the movie but for her performance. There was even buzz of an Oscar nom. Perhaps this was the start of a late-game career uplift towards critical acclaim! Spoiler: It wasn’t. Since Hustlers, even more abysmal JLo films have hit the world like a rotten tomato slap to the face, so here’s a ranked rundown of the worst Jennifer Lopez films from very bad to vehemently unwatchable.

7. Anaconda

Anaconda is a load of shit, but it’s MY load of shit. I love this nonsense B-movie with all my heart and soul, but it is indeed awful. Jennifer Lopez plays the final girl, and also stars Owen Wilson and… Ice Cube. Fair enough. I watched this obsessively as a kid for some reason. J Lo isn’t even that bad in it but it is corny as all hell.

6. Marry Me

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Jennifer Lopez is back with her Anaconda alum Owen Wilson here – never a good sign. This is one of those times where Jennifer Lopez quite simply plays Jennifer Lopez – never a great place for a pop star to be pigeonholing themselves into. The chemistry isn’t even that bad but it’s just one of those films where you’re eyerolling your way to the credits. We need to outlaw pop stars playing what is pretty much themselves immediately.

Her dress in this film weighed 95 pounds, apparently – just a hilarious stat considering I don’t know a soul who watched it.

5. Atlas

Atlas shouldn’t actually suck as abysmally as it does because Jennifer Lopez is serving mother with that hair. No one giving Sigourney Weaver in Alien teas in a sci-fi thriller action romp deserves to fail. But fail Atlas does. It might be number one on Netflix right now but JLo’s battle against AI has resulted in a film so panned that THR said it was “a film to half-watch while you do the laundry”. If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

4. The Mother

Imagine Kill Bill if it didn’t slay in any way, shape or form. If that sounds like a film for you, get The Mother on! At least the winter coat was giving Donna Noble when she went to the Ood planet on Doctor Who. A small mercy.

3. The Boy Next Door

This film has absolutely no business being as crazy as it is. It is absolutely insane, and has a shockingly low 12 per cent score on Rotten Tomatoes. Most of these films are rotten, but that is new depths of rotten. The film has JLo as a divorcee who sleeps with a 19 year old who then ends up at the school where Lopez teaches and becomes obsessed with stalking her. Baby Reindeer is truly shaking.

What’s most jarring about The Boy Next Door is not that it’s a bad film, which is kind of a given – but that it’s so extreme. We’re talking attempted rape, slashed throats and an epipen through an eyeball. It’s carnage, and no one involved had the skills or gusto to pull off said carnage.

2. This Is Me… Now: A Love Story

Just missing out on the worst spot of all Jennifer Lopez films ranked is this year’s total mess. If you paid me one thousands pounds to tell you what happened in this film I would be unable to do so. It is so utterly bizarre and self indulgent that I could only sit back and marvel at the effort JLo had gone to make this. The fact it was self financed says it all – it’s like something you imagine Jennifer Lopez sits at home watching and just smirks to herself. Great dancing, lovely dancing. That’s about it.

1. Gigli

Gigli has the honour of not only being the worst ranked of all the Jennifer Lopez films here, but widely considered as one of the worst films ever made – point blank period. It is truly abysmal. It has SIX per cent on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s some form of weird mobster film that hoped to capitalise on the fact Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were dating at the time of release, but whatever was happening off screen was completely missing. At one point, JLo tries to sensually seduce Ben by saying “It’s turkey time. Gobble gobble.” Not a joke. That actually happens.

Atlas is available on Netflix now. For all the latest Netflix news, drops, quizzes and memes, like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook. 

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