Ultimate survival guide to Crisis as a non-sports club member

The only Notts club night where the name foreshadows its ending..

12 months ago

Crisis is an iconic night out for every Notts student. It’s the biggest night of the week and the renowned sports night, meaning you have many people either celebrating or commiserating. A messy night no matter your circumstances. Before joining swim, I was a veteran of doing crisis as a non-sports member so I feel qualified to share my survival guide on how to last the night. Here is exactly how you can too:

Pre Hard

There’s only one way to get through Crisis and that’s by pre-ing hard. You need to be drunk enough that you forget how hot it is, how busy it is, and how obnoxious some people can be. By pre-ing hard you may hate yourself the next day but you’re guaranteed to have a good night.

Dress Up

Since you don’t have the embarrassment of a sports theme like babies and mums you may as well wear what you feel best in and make the sports freshers dressed in embarrassing outfits jealous. If your aim is to potentially find your sporty husband then looking good and feeling good is guaranteed to gain you some interest.

Alternatively, create your own theme. If you want to dress up then do it. No one is going to judge at Crisis.

Avoid the crisis balcony unless you want to experience hell on earth

If you want to avoid sports boys at all costs, then don’t venture up to the balcony. It’s a living hell. It’s hot, there’s a lack of fresh air, and it’s full of shirt-and-tie boys scanning the floor below like vultures.

My advice? Avoid this area unless absolutely necessary as once you enter it is impossible to leave.

Love Island finalist Ron Hall has a new girlfriend – and it’s an Islander he was in the villa with!

The heartbreaking reason behind Tulisa’s transformation and why she looks so different now

Lacey and Nathan embroiled in nasty feud following ‘bitter rows’ after MAFS UK split

Mix it up and visit multiple rooms

The main room of Crisis is repetitive and sometimes the music can feel cheesy. Don’t forget that Crisis has other rooms like Beta and Black Cherry Lounge, so to keep yourself going mad, alternate rooms. Not only will this allow you to survive the night by constantly making you move but you also get to escape the songs that make you cringe internally.

The smoking area is a godsend

Crisis feels like a sauna. It’s packed to the brim and the club itself feels disgusting so give yourself regular breaks to the smoking area in order to remind yourself what oxygen feels like.

If you want to dance, stay at the back

If your aim is to dance then stay towards the back of the main room. This area isn’t claimed by any sports clubs and everyone is always pushing to get to the middle where you can’t even move.

By staying towards the back you actually have the most precious thing you can get in a club: space. Not only can you move here, but you can also quickly make a dive to the bar, run to the toilets or escape from unwanted situations if necessary.

If you want to use the photo booth do it early before the sports boys get too pushy and annoying

Do the booth early. Not only will you avoid the madness of sports boys pushing to get their picture taken, but by doing it early and at the start of your night your makeup, hair and outfit will look at its best. By the end of the night, you will most likely look ruined.

Be prepared to get papped

Crisis is exposing. There is no hiding in this club. It is inevitable you will have a mug shot taken or potentially appear on the crisis Instagram story so be prepared.

The bar and toilet queues are quicker in BCL

To survive the club you must be prepared to spend. When it comes to Crisis VKs are the a for most. However, due to the sheer popularity of the club, you often spend a vast amount of time queuing for drinks. If you want to quicken your wait, my advice is to go to the other bars in Black Cherry Lounge, as these tend to be quieter and quicker.

All that drinking inevitably results in you breaking the seal. So to avoid ridiculous toilet queues go to BCL and double up. If you’re alone, pee with a stranger. Not only will you make a club friend and have a great toilet convo but you will again reduce queueing time.

End the night with a mega munch

If you survive the night, reward yourself. Crisis is intense, so treat yourself to the best cuisine Notts offers: MEGA MUNCH. You have definitely earned it.