14 things only Scottish students at Edi will understand

The Scottish student is a rare and ambiguous concept, like the Loch Ness Monster or getting a first in an essay. It’s common knowledge that Edinburgh is considered by Scots as a watered-down representation of Scotland, like drinks in Spoons. A night out in Glasgow would prove as such. And so, if you’re a Scottish student studying in Edinburgh, here are 14 things you will most certainly relate to.

1. Being the only Scot in a tutorial

A main character moment for sure.

2. Giving a small geography lesson every time someone asks where you’re from

And then folk from London get offended that you don’t know what area their borough is in??? You came to Scotland and still don’t know where Livingston is? Who really looks sillier here?

3. Having to explain what Nat 5s and Highers are 

Especially in Freshers’ Week. Praying for the Scottish first years. I feel as though I’m fully versed in the whole England schools calling their fifth and sixth years “college” (because it makes them feel grown-up) so the least they could do is learn what a Higher is.

4. Hearing the sound of bagpipes and having to resist the desire to die for your country

Princes Street is a no-go. I get too excited.

5. Having to describe what Tennents is 

The thought of having to live in a country without Tennents being regularly on draught makes me feel physically ill.

6. Having to repeat yourself 17,000 times

Or just having to talk really slowly. Or going home for a week and returning with an accent completely incomprehensible to your non Scottish mates.

7. Non Scottish folk asking Celtic or Rangers

Sorry, I don’t actually believe in football x

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8. Not caring if people say Scotland’s grotty but being ready to throw fists if they disrespect Scottish tap water

Limescale? Never heard of her.

9. Getting your non Scot friends to try and pronounce Scottish town names

Cruel? Maybe. Hilarious? Undeniably. (Milngavie causes absolute pandemonium.)

10. Getting extremely defensive if someone says you’re British. 

No, Scottish babe. Don’t be daft x

(I’m fizzing with anger).

11. People from Glasgow bashing any nightlife that is not in Glasgow

We get it. You should be the capital city, but it’s not a personality trait. You don’t get a prize for being from Glasgow.

12. People saying you don’t look Scottish

Oh, I’m sorry, let me dye my hair ginger and start reciting the script of Braveheart. My kilt’s at the dry cleaners this week actually, sorry to disappoint.

13. People visibly recoiling if you say the ‘c’ word too much

It’s an adjective, verb, noun, term of endearment and an excellent linguistic masterpiece. Sorry for the profanity, though – I didn’t realise you had delicate ears.

14. Getting told it was easier for you to get into Edi because the admissions board had to ‘fill a quota’.

I’ll quota you in a minute, sunshine.

I’m all angry now – I might have to go and eat some raw haggis and ride shirtless on a stag through some moors to calm down. Or, listen to a Rabbie Burns audiobook – same thing.

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• Students and staff protest at launch of ‘virulently transphobic’ book hosted by Edinburgh Uni