If you relate to at least 15/25 of these things then you’re a Marchmont girly

We’ve all seen them in the wild: The Marchmont girly. You can hear them from the distinct sounds of a charity shop, bangles rattling, and Depop cowboy boot heels clicking. Typical smells include oat milk lattes and baccy.

They reside in the neighbourhood of Marchmont in their high sandstone towers, watching in the hope that their name will appear on the window of Leaf and Bean so they can finally get that free coffee. It’s a shame “Binky” and “Minty” have yet to be put up, but if they were, Leaf and Bean would probably go out of business.

In all honesty, we mock them, but we want to be them. So here is the ultimate Marchmont girly checklist. If you relate to 15 or more of these things, postcode or not, you are spiritually a Marchmont girly. My score was higher than I would care to admit. Might need to bring up my mood with a £4 coffee. It pays for itself because when Leaf and Bean put my name up I’ll get that one for free. Girl Math.

1. The white maxi skirt

Bonus point if it’s from Brady Melville but you tell people it’s vintage.

2. The micro Ugg’s

You’re comfy and stylish, no judgement for leaving the house in what are essentially slippers.

3. A Nespresso machine

That you hide the pods for from your flatmates. I respect it.

4. The denim maxi skirt

Bonus point if it’s from Brandy Melville but you tell people it’s vintage…

5. The Adidas Samba trainers

Yes, the shoes do make you look like Bella Hadid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

6. Cowboy boots

Bonus point if you inherited/stole them from a family member.

7. Apple AirMax headphones

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For all the Dominic Fike and Pheobe Bridgers they listen to.

8. An afghan coat

In all fairness, they do keep you warm.

9. A leather jacket

Makes every fit look cooler.

10. A puffer jacket that is either NorthFace, RAB, or Mountain Warehouse

To keep you warm on the Edinburgh Ski Trip that you def follow on Instagram.

11. A beige trench coat

Two extra points if you own all four of the Marchmont Girly jackets.

12. Vintage family jewellery 

Some of which you have definitely lost on the dance floor of Hive or WhyNot.

13. One of those massive lace scrunchies that I really want but cannot justify the price

How does it feel to live MY dream.

14. A Himalayan salt lamp 

Because Marchmont girlies are allergic to the big light.

15. The ability to ski/sail/horse ride

A point for each activity. Yeehaw.

16. An abundance of dying plants

You tried, and that’s all that matters.

17. ‘Everything I Know About Love’ by Dolly Alderton 

To prep you for that post-grad London lifestyle.

18. Bagels

Bonus point if you put salmon and cream cheese on them.

19. White linen trousers

Playing my own mini game to see how cold it can get before they retire them for winter.

20. The obligatory Ralph Lauren jumper

Extra point for each jumper you own. Bonus two points if you have the one with the American flag on it that was huge on Pinterest.

21. Birkenstock clogs

I didn’t realise you were Matilda Djerf, pardon me.

22. A co-dependent relationship with Margiotta 

Their pasta selection is better than Sainsbury’s I can’t lie, and the homemade ice cream is pretty incredible. But it’s not worth the destruction of your bank account, so trek to Lidl in Newington like everyone else.

23. A MacBook Air/Pro 

For uni work and browsing Urban Outfitters in the main lib – those Josie tops aren’t gonna buy themselves.

24. A Hydro Flask or a Chilly’s Bottle

Gotta stay hydrated for that arduous 10 minute walk across the Meadows to campus.

25. Toms Trunks

Some nice pyjama trousers to go with your Ugg slippers <3

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