Every lecturer you’ll ever have

Lectures aren’t compulsory, right?

Lecturers. They’re the people who devote their lives to nurturing the young minds of York students on a daily basis, some trying to find new ways to keep the attention of the 15 people who actually turned up to that 9am, others talking monotonously at you while you desperately try to take notes.

York’s finest professors can guarantee two hours of pure comedy or the longest and most dull period of your life. You might start to question your life choices, realising you could have watched two episodes of House of Cards in bed rather than making awkward eye contact with that guy you got with in Salvation the night before.

Or, you commend yourself for making it to the lecture because, for once, you find yourself saying “I actually kind of enjoyed that”.

The “funny” one

Subject related puns, remote controlled helicopters and the occasional swear word added in for a shock laugh. These are all things that the ‘funny’ lecturer will dabble in frequently, in an attempt to keep your attention away from Facebook.

They will no doubt be met with a weak sympathy chuckle from most students, with the token guy in the front left gasping for air and clapping like a seal after the Physics lecturer made a joke even The Big Bang Theory wouldn’t use.

The typical response to a Physics joke

 The musical one

Some say music is an aid to learning, but certain Chemistry lecturers may take that too literally by writing a song based on the module and performing it to the entire course on a Wednesday afternoon.

Not only that, English Literature students will all know of that one lecturer who loves to bring along random instruments to a 9am, showing off his musical talents.

The technophobe

You’ve made it through your Revs-induced hangover and managed to turn up to your Monday morning lecture, only to find no PowerPoint presentation on the screen, and no handout on offer. They may have opted for the old-fashioned way out of choice, or they had no idea how to use the one they had prepared. When a student eventually runs up to help them find the file, you know it’s drastic.

You’re forced to make detailed notes other than “see slides”, and trying to keep up with the lecturer is such a struggle you start to doodle extensively in the margins of your notepad.

The hot one

There are a fair number of reasons as to why students don’t go out on Saturdays. It’s not  just the fear of the locals, the numerous stag dos or the outrageous hen parties: there’s the fear of getting with your hot, young post grad lecturer.

You’ll never be able to  look them in the eye again without obsessing over your imagined future together, and God forbid you get set them as your dissertation supervisor later on. But it’s still totally worth an hour long lecture on the different reservoirs in the UK if they’re a solid 8/10.

The Self-promoter

Everyone has that one lecturer who refers to their own published articles on the module reading list, but sometimes they go that extra mile. Who really needs the VLE when you can find the entire resource list on their Wikipedia page under ‘Career’.

The one who tries to be ‘relatable’

Every course has at least one lecturer who tries to make the course content more ‘relatable’ to students, usually resulting in making really random references.

Or a phonetics lecture based on how Usher sings ‘without choo’ rather than ‘without you’ is the real reason we pay £9000 – issues like these really need solving; who knows what carnage would occur otherwise.

who knew Kanye West was an ideal referent for American literature?

The one that doesn’t show up

Punctuality isn’t for everyone, even lecturers. But when you realise that every five minutes they’re late it’s costing you £5, then maybe they’re pushing the limits a bit too far.

Just remember: if they don’t turn up after twenty minutes, you’re basically entitled to pick up and leave.

All in all, lecturers can be your greatest friend or the bane of your existence when it comes to University life. You could be in genuine awe of their talent and extensive knowledge, or you could begin to question your degree choice following the first twenty minutes of them speaking.

Doesn’t really matter though, since they’re pretty much all recorded anyway.