EXCLUSIVE: Rolf, the beloved campus cat, has been banned from campus

Maybe Warwick is more of a dog person?


Just when you thought this month couldn’t possibly get any worse, the University of Warwick has confirmed that Rolf, the campus cat, has been banned from campus for “all nine of his lives.”

The ban follows reports that Rolf “trespassed” into various buildings across the University site, including the library.

The feline-fatale is rumoured to have shredded “almost every” book between the first and third floors, causing “irreparable damage” to “thousands” of texts. The library’s online works remain unscathed.

One eye-witness told the Warwick Tab: “It was insane. I’ve never seen anything like it.

“At first, I was like ‘alright, maybe it’s just a cat being a cat’ but then he got this weird look in his eye.

“Next thing I knew, the entire Shakespeare collection was in tatters.”

A spokesperson for the University released a statement, saying: “Banning Rolf from campus was not an easy decision to make. In fact, it weighed very heavily upon our hearts.

“However, the destruction of academic resources is strictly against University policy.

“Rolf knew that when he matriculated.

“As such, we have taken the difficult decision to revoke Rolf’s University ID and ban him from all future on-campus events, including the library cat café.

“We appreciate that this will not be a popular decision. However, we are confident that, with time, the student body will recover.”

According to inside sources, the University is already eyeing up potential replacements for their once beloved mascot, including the Lakeside Geese.

Note: One more thing… maybe check the date? You April FOOL xoxo