What it’s really like living above Kelsey’s
It’s a dream but also an absolute nightmare
I think we've all agreed that Kelsey's is our favourite place in Leam to pass the time, have a few bevs and get absolutely shit faced. Where else provides us with such luminous green jugs of greatness?
One thing you probably didn't know, is that there is an actual student flat above this fine establishment – and I am one of the lucky people living there.
The smell of Eliminator lingers throughout the whole building
You know that interesting smell that completely engulfs the entirety of Kelsey's? That mixture of old wood, Eliminator and spirits finds its way up two flights of stairs. Every time you enter the house or leave your bedroom to go to the toilet in the morning, you are instantly hit by the lingering smell of stale Eliminator – not ideal when you're hanging out of your arse.
Being locked out of your house, means you can just keep drinking in Kelsey's
Ever been locked out of your flat, stood in the cold at 4am desperately ringing your friends to open the door? Well, the benefit of living above Kelsey's is that you won't have to kip on a cold doorstep – only amongst drunk students who will more than likely trip over you, draw on you, or spill their Eliminator on you – I haven't yet decided what's worse.
One time, the Kelsey's Night Manager even came to our rescue. They emerged with an unknown device, managing to break into our flat for us. At the time we were more than euphoric, albeit a little freaked out.
Kelsey's is the most carefully placed
Kelsey's is in an absolute prime location in the beauty of South Leam. Close to the bus stop, railway station, convenience stores, pubs and cafés, you couldn't ask for a better location.
The noise. never. stops.
It's probably a given that living above Kelsey's isn't going to be the quietest of gaff's. Come the weekend, Thursday night Smack – or actually any day of the bloody week – you're surrounded by the sound of drunk students, half acceptable music and horrendous drunk singing. If this wasn't bad enough, when the upstairs room is hired out you can literally hear every circle, chant and even conversation loud and clear from the comfort of your smaller-than-average double bed.
You can literally walk down the stairs for a jug of Eliminator
Isn't it every student's dream to just walk down the stairs into your favourite bar? Well this is certainly a reality for us. Hard day at uni? Essay stress? Hanging out of your arse? – nothing that can't be sorted by a trip downstairs for a jug of Eliminator.
Living upstairs means your pulling game is strong
What better way to start a one night stand than stating, "I only live upstairs". All the benefits under one roof (pun intended), no long walk home, don't have to go out in the cold – or outside at all actually and if you need an escape plan? Just head back downstairs to Kelsey's! Sex life is sorted.
Every 20 minutes you'll feel the windows and furniture shudder as a train speeds past Leamington Spa station
If drunk students and the whiff of Eliminator wasn't enough to put you off, you're literally two metres away from the railway line – not even kidding. Every 20 minutes you'll feel the windows and furniture shudder as a train speeds past the window. It's not all bad though, at least it's only a three minute walk to the station!
But there are copious amounts of chunder
Let's be honest here, Kelsey's isn't exactly the most classy of establishments and that's why we love it so much. And with every student pub, there are always those lightweights who insist on getting absolutely trashed, despite not knowing how to handle their drink.
As always, this ends up with sick on the stairs, in the hallway – absolutely everywhere. So walking down the stairs in the morning is more like participating in a really messed up obstacle course.
Party to your hearts content
What better location for a house party? Need somewhere to pre? Kelsey's. Need some more bevs? Kelsey's. Need to take a breather? Kelsey's. No hot guys/girls? Kelsey's. The possibilities are endless.
Plus, you're never going to get any noise complaints from the neighbours.
It's not all doom and gloom – any house is what you make of it, even if you do live above the biggest student bar in the area. Despite the noise, the chunder and the smell – living above Kelsey's isn't actually that bad.