I ate only fruit for a week and it turned me into an angry bitch
‘These carrots-‘ ‘Have been murdered, yes’
Maybe your student loan’s running low, maybe you’re feeling the effects of too many takeaways, or maybe you’re just sick of the taste of Sainsbury’s meal deals.
What do you do? Eat nothing but fruit for a week- cheap, easy, healthy, and no cooking required.
“Fruitarianism” is the idea that we can live exclusively on fruit and water only- keen to cut the freshers’ flab that had been building over the last month, I reluctantly emptied my fridge and shut my cupboards, replacing the shelves with nothing but fruit.
The rumour that apples wake you up better than coffee buoyed me up the following morning, with breakfast consisting of two apples and a fruit smoothie as I walked to my (only) 10am lecture.
By 11 the hunger was starting to set in as I prepared for an afternoon stint in the IC – trying not to eye up the pie and chips, I grabbed nothing but a bottle of water from the IC cafe and set off looking for a workspace.
The lunchtime rush meant I spent 20 minutes and precious energy finding a computer- by 3, I had eaten my entire fruit supply consisting of a whole pack of raspberries, two bananas, a pack of grapes and a plum, and was now practically salivating every time I heard a bag of crisps being opened.
Tears were shed that evening when my housemates ordered a Chinese takeaway as I dejectedly chewed on an apple, the prospect of doing this for another few days starting to hit home.
I went to bed hungry and woke up hungry, feeling nothing short of appalled when I looked in the mirror – I was a good deal spottier, probably due to the massive amounts of sugary fruit I’d been consuming, and complete lack of other vital nutrients.
The poo situation was also becoming noticeably less desirable. After being generous with the concealer, I started my day of lectures with nothing but a few plums and oranges in my system.
When Heather suggested an afternoon trek to Aldi, I agreed, realising my mistake when I couldn’t even eat the 18p instant chicken noodles I’d purchased upon arriving home.
A couple of pears did nothing to energise me for the 25 minute walk home, leaving me exhausted and unable to leave the sofa for several hours.
As I reached the end of the week, walking past John’s Van became nothing short of torture.
I was sick of the taste of fruit and yearning for a pasty. My housemates were now starting to get worried and had begun to avoid the “angry bitch” I had turned into.
Any form of exercise was impossible – despite research claiming that an apple can provide you with enough energy for an hour-long workout, when I attempted a run I was left heaving on the pavement after a mere 20 minutes.
Is it worth it? It was cheap – I only spent a tenner on fruit which lasted me several days. And there’s no cooking involved – I didn’t even require a microwave.
However, I was constantly starving, spottier, had become an emotional wreck by the end of the week, and didn’t lose any weight.
In my opinion, just get fat – the entire experience was completely fruitless.