No ifs, no BUCS. No, wait, hold on, there definitely is BUCS. I messed that up. Sorry, all. Don’t know how I’m going to recover from this. Let’s give it a go anyway.

Results

A rough week on the football front – while the Blues played it close they ultimately fell 1-0 to NTU in a game that could have put them in strong stead to stay up, and the Centaurs went down 2-1 to Aston in a result that likely all but ends their promotion push.

Not exactly what you’d call ideal conditions to be fair.

On the plus side, the Furies pulled off an upset; hot on the heels of their first win, they shut out high-flying Staffordshire (Stoke) for the draw (only the second time this season that their opponents had dropped points), leaving them seven points clear of relegation.

It was also a fairly poor week in lacrosse. Both the Womens’ Blues and Womens’ Swifts disappointingly drew with their Cambridge, but that was nothing compared to the Mens’ Blues woes; having gone to Exeter looking to avenge their earlier 18-1 loss, they ended up losing 20-1, in the process sealing a Premier South title for their opponents.

I don’t know the story behind this. I need to know the story behind this.

One Oxford team did at least get a victory over the Tabs – but by default. The volleyball womens’ 1sts were awarded a walkover after a Cambridge no-show at Iffley, locking up the Midlands conference title in the process. The mens’ 1sts meanwhile continued their losing ways with a defeat to Cranfield.

A near-full slate in hockey saw some surprises. The Infrequents were upset 5-3 by Northampton in their first league loss of the season – they’re still 5 points clear with 3 games to go, but the pressure is mounting on a team that had such a good Michaelmas.

Missing: one dominant reserves hockey team. Last seen posting baffling prose on their pitchero.com page. Answers to ‘Infrequents’.

The other big result was the Womens’ Blues only managing a 1-1 draw with Cardiff. The result sees them conclude their league campaign with 9 points, giving Cambridge the chance to leap-frog them and send them into the relegation playoff with a win against Bath this coming week.

For the rest, the Hos pulled off a thumping 5-0 win to keep their promotion hopes alive, the Monkeys had theirs ended with a loss to first-placed Birmingham 3rds, and the Occasionals all but booked their relegation by failing to beat Warwick.

Other results include a pair of wins in BUCS rugby – the league mens’ 1sts avenged an earlier 60-6 loss by beating Nottingham Trent 32-6 to certify their status as a legitimate team, and the union womens’ 1sts picked up a victory that leaves them five points clear of relegation going into their final game.

They’ll probably have a two-game winning streak after this week. Unprecedented? Probably.

Oxford came out ahead on the week in basketball – including both womens’ teams winning – though less luck was to be had in tennis, where six fixtures yielded just one win.

In the post-Wednesday games, the water polo mens’ 1sts followed up their win over Imperial with a second over Cardiff on Friday, though their womens’ counterparts were less lucky the following day, and in American football the Cavaliers’ Cup went across town as after a spirited defensive performance the Oxford Lancers ultimately succumbed to a 16-0 loss to the Oxford Brookes Panthers.

They couldn’t wait to get their grubby little hands on it.

Preview

There’ll be a full slate of football fixtures this coming week – the Blues are off to Coventry knowing that a loss could all but secure their relegation, while the Centaurs are mostly playing for pride but will want to avoid the upset against Derby (Buxton) 4ths.

The Womens’ Blues return to action for the first time this term as they host Wolverhampton, and the Furies could claim another big scalp when they face Loughborough 3rds.

If we’re gonna be honest with ourselves, all BUCS sport inevitably boils down to “let’s beat Loughborough”.

Hockey throws up some interesting matchups as usual, including the only fixture against the Tabs – the Occasionals travel to the other place aiming to spring a major upset on their so-far unbeaten 1sts and keep the very faint remaining hopes of non-relegation alive.

The Infrequents, meanwhile, face a stiff challenge in the form of Harper Adams. They beat them by 3 goals last time – but, then again, that was true of last week’s opponents too. Given Harper Adams currently sit 6 points behind with a game in hand, a loss here puts their division lead in major jeopardy.

Pictured: every single student enrolled at Harper Adams.

The Mens’ Blues will travel to Bristol – though, with the game being meaningless, could we see some ringers trickle down to the other two squads? – while the Hos have to beat Nottingham 4ths to stay in sight of promotion, and the Monkeys in possibly the same situation against Coventry.

Two rugby league seasons finish on Wednesday. The league mens’ 1sts face a shambolic St Mary’s outfit with the hope of securing 4th and little else. The stakes are much higher, however, for the union womens’ 1sts. As mentioned earlier, they sit five clear of the bottom spot; however, because of rugby’s bonus points system, Cardiff can still jump them in the table if they come out with a big win – always a possibility in a league that has seen 100-point games this year.

Cardiff would have to win by about a 30-point margin while also keeping Oxford from scoring more than about 30 but that’s not the point, it’s totally tense and such, if we keep this up I think I can get Sky Sports to bite.

Neither game has big implications, but basketball fans can get a double-header of action at Iffley; the Womens’ Blues face off against Solent at 5pm, followed by the Mens’ Blues taking on Bath at 7pm.

It’s a good day for tennis, too – the mens’ 2nds and 3rds play at Iffley, the womens’ 1sts and 2nds at their home ground, and the womens’ 3rds are up in North Hinksey to face Brookes’ finest.

Lacrosse aficionados, however, are out of luck – all three teams are elsewhere (mens’ 1sts and womens’ 1sts in Bristol and womens’ 2nds in Birmingham). 

Uni Parks approximately looks like this last time I checked so it’s for the best really.

Also on away stands are both volleyball teams, the netball team, three squash teams and the table tennis mens’ 1sts.

For American football, the Oxford Lancers are at home for the final time this season – they’ll host the Solent Redhawks at Harcourt Hill.

This is YOUR LAST CHANCE to see some guys jump on some other guys, guys.