How to get a date in the Rad Cam

Let’s be honest, the Rad Cam is a veritable hotbed for sexual frustration and cheeky side-glances, but it’s all a bit too Brideshead without enough Geordie Shore. We at the Tab think this should change, so here’s how you pick up in the bod.

Be a Rad Dude in the Rad Cam

1. Don’t stare

Ever seen Starbucks Drake Hands? He proved without a shadow of a doubt that staring while smiling coyly and touching your face will get you absolutely nowhere. Moreover, it makes you look like a sex pest, so unless you’re rocking a Ryan Gosling / Blake Lively look keep the bedroom eyes in the bedroom and:

2. Actually talk to people

Come on, you’re supposed to be able to write coherent essays then defend complicated points in front of an academic, but most of you (ourselves included) are too scared to approach someone they’re interested in. The age-old phrase ‘they don’t bite’ generally applies in Oxford, so pull your finger out, stop being a melt and put yourself out there. Worst-case scenario is total public humiliation, but that’s no worse than what you did on Thursday night with the help of alcohol. Having said this:

3. Don’t disturb someone who’s working

Some people actually have things to do, like revise for their finals, and the last thing they want when cramming Herodotus is some sweaty palmed fresher asking what they’re doing and if they ‘come here often’. So:

4. Only approach someone who’s procrastinating

Trawling Buzfeed for cat videos is a good sign someone isn’t having a productive day, as is lip-syncing some Miley Cyrus, watching Rugby Dump videos or whispering to the person next to them. That said, these people don’t necessarily want to be pestered, but they’re probably less likely to snap than the 4th year engineer crying about his or her impending mediocrity.

“We first met in the Rad Cam, look how happy we are!”

5. Try the café

If you’re eating you’re not working – fact. Moreover, food increases horniness by up to 60%, so you’ve already got your foot in the door by trying here. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak.

6. Eat your lunch on the steps outside

This is where the hipsters hang out, eating their soy bean wasabi paste hemp oil sandwiches, so if oversized 80s jumpers take your fancy, or creepers get you hot around the collar, you know where to look.

“We only buy locally sourced beanies, all our clothes are 100% hip”

7. If you meet someone at the loos by the doors, spark up a conversation!

It’s a tight area and an easy place to force awkward small talk. Furthermore, loos are a suggestive and potentially sexual place – exciting!

8. Leave a note in their book when they go for a break

If you struggle with the formal introduction, but are a master of the social media chirpse, casually drop your number on their desk in their absence. If you’re feeling really bold, add your name, so they can Facebook stalk you and establish if you’re hot or not, Tinder style.

60% of the time, we work, all the time

9. Say you’re studying the same thing and lean over their book for a little while pretending to take an interest

Oxford students fucking love talking about how much work they have, how much they’ve done, and what they’re currently doing. So brush up on your ancient philosophy, and get involved!

10. Feign a coughing fit or breathlessness so they have to ‘help take you outside for a breather’

If all else fails, go for the Pierce Hawthorn style feigned illness to get their attention. However, you have to make sure its them who take you outside – while the Rad Cam staff are lovely, most are too well read for the average student, and more importantly, married.