THE SECRET FRESHER: JOY, NERVES AND EXCITEMENT

I did it! I only bloody went and got my grades. No more having to pretend to neighbours that I’m ‘probably heading to York’, I am now once-and-for-all a student of Oxford University. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me!

Rad Cam? More like Rad-ICAL Cam!!!! HAHAAHAH?!?!!?!?

Don’t get me wrong, when that letter fell through the door I was a bit frightened. What if I’d accidentally been allocated some idiot’s mark or something? What if I had to take an impromptu gap year splitting my time between working in Weatherspoons and ‘finding myself’ (an improbable balancing act at the best of times).

Instead I’m looking forward to a year spent punting down rivers, scuttling through the  Bodleian in my new gown and doffing my mortarboard at the porters on my way out of college.

See you at tea-time, porters!!!!

I’ve read most stuff on the reading list, of course, but I expect Oxford to be competitive (this isn’t Warwick you know!) so I’ve emailed my head tutor and asked for some essays to get me in the groove. I’m worried I could be cleverer than the people in my class though – will I be able to make good points to the teacher in my lectures when I’m sharing the room with 300 or so other hopefuls?

The one thing I’m uncertain about is the amount of actual work – I have a friend who says that in the first week they make you do 14 hours a day. This seems unlikely but you can never be too sure. I suppose that would make sense; they could double the hours of a normal school day because it’s about double as hard.

A vampire tries to learn advanced differentiation.

I’m fully sure though, that I’m going to make loads of new mates, buddies or pals – whatever you wanna call ‘em. I’m naturally popular (well I was at school anyway) on account of the fact that I’m normally one of the cleverest people in my social circle.

I cannot wait for the long debating night I have planned for the first night of Fresher’s Week, feet up roasting by the log fire of the common room while we discuss the best method of getting this bloody country out of the economic mess it finds itself in.

Anyway, I’ve been asked to write four diary entries, the second of which will come after the first night of Fresher’s, so I look forward to writing again then! Until that time, have a cracking last few days of summer, and come say hi if you see me; I’ll be the guy yodelling ‘toodle-pip’ down Broad Street as I hurry to my next lesson!

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