A SOS From SJC

Chances are the one thing you know about St John’s is that we have a shed-load of cash. We sit on St Giles—a foundation of sandstone and swag—the bang opposite of the jealous, Cee Lo Green like St Benet’s Hall. 

Cee Lo: Principal of St. Benet’s.

What you may not know is where we got this wonga from. 

Don’t worry. I’m not going to bore you with a history tutorial. All you need to know is that SJC’s sugar daddy from 1633 to 1645, a bloke named Archbishop of Canterbury Bill Laud, had his head cut off for standing up to the kind of self righteous killjoys that continue to plague Oxford today. In his day, these assholes were called Puritans; today we have second-rate hack cretins that populate the JCRs of Oxford.

SJC’s sugar daddy now and forever.

At the last JCR meeting of term the Treasurer of the committee planned to propose a pathetic “booking system” motion to eradicate a “sports are to be found here” atmosphere in the college’s TV Room.

The college gardens are already filled with creatures who think it’s acceptable to dress like it’s 1349, and hacks hog the college bar, where they discuss their non-existent social lives.  Only St. Johns’s TV Room remains for those with a sense of humour or social life to congregate—the treasurer and his friends wanted to annihilate the one corner of SJC where the spirit of Bill Laud lives on.

Of course, according to the motion, this constituted the room “being abused by those who use it,” although the treasurer does admit the atmosphere is “noteworthy.” (Which is more than can be said for the hours of mutual, pseudo-intellectual masturbation that the St John’s JCR engage in.)

Luckily, enough pressure across college squashed the motion before it could be voted on. However, these people will never get a life and will not stop until they have destroyed the one vestige of normality and fun left in Bill Laud’s old stomping ground.

May the attempt by St. John’s JCR to destroy a safe haven for those they look down upon serve as a warning to us all. Every college suffers under this neo-Puritanical yoke—don’t let them win. Cry God for Babestation, Banter and Sky Sports.