Why I Hate The Tab

Lancaster…he bloody loves it

It has nearly been a year since OURFC were able to win all five varsities (we’ll ignore the College XV that year) and were able to utterly humiliate their opposition.

The Tab has caught up with Richard Russel, a member of the under-21s side to play Cambridge, about why he despises his Cambridge counterparts.

What is the worst thing about Cambridge?

I hate everything about The Other Place. The place. The people. Light blue. But the thing I hate most about The Other Place is the fact that some of them think they’re anywhere near as good as us. Oxford is the best University in the world, and the fact that some people in The Other Place think they’re better, well, that really rustles my Jimmies.

Do Cambridge have any redeeming features?

The main one is that they allow us to beat the crap out of them at rugby 5 times every year, being the equivalent of light blue speed bumps for 400 minutes a year is really nice of them, so thanks guys. Oh, and they’re also good for putting the Durham students back in their box when they complain about their ‘workload’

In what way have you best been able to vent your hatred of Cambridge?

The most obvious way would be playing in the Varsity rugby against them, both for the U21s and the Whippets. The chance to beat them is always a good one. However, hating Tabs is a 24/7/365 occupation, so I’d say that I also vent my hatred of The Other Place by just being better than them and letting them know it at every opportunity. My particular favourite is the passive-aggressive Facebook comment/wallpost to my Tab ‘friends’.

In what future ways do you wish to harm Cambridge?

Walk into Twickenham on the 6th of December and win the U21s match by a long way, then go to the Afterparty at the Clapham Grand and be as obnoxious as possible for 6 hours.

If Cambridge were an animal, what would they be?

Hmm… I guess I’d probably have to say cockroach, the least regal of creatures. They’re small, insignificant, disgusting and cause women to run away in fright, yet despite everything we do, we just can’t get rid of the bastards.

Cambridge is a poorer version of Anglia Ruskin, do you agree?

Whoa, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, they aren’t a poly. Whilst I agree that Cambridge have worse chat, worse nights, fewer good looking people and generally have a shitter time of Uni than the Anglia Ruskin ‘people’, if you can call them that, they at least are a proper University, and don’t offer courses such as Golf Course Management.