How to spot a Notts f**k boy, from an expert in the field

You know who I’m talking about, and if you don’t I’m sorry to say but its you

2 months ago

| Entertainment

Notts is renowned for it’s nightlife and looseness. I know no one wants to be in a position where they are curled up in bed crying over the despicable boy who won’t text them back. Here is a guide on how to spot them so that they can be avoided at all costs.

Stay safe out there!

Sports central

First things first, the Notts boy does a sport, and it’s most probably rugby. Hockey is a close runner up. They seem to know everyone, can probably name drop at least three girls from netball off the top of his head and knows the whole tennis team, despite never having picked up a racket in his life.

I’d imagine that Wednesday socials are to blame for their BNOC mentality.

Crisis black card

You will catch them on the Crisis balcony every week without fail. To spot them all you have to do is look for a green and gold tie and a white shirt. They will probably have an orange VK in hand, bonus points if it’s spilt down their shirt.

Nothing can deter these animals from a (barely) memorable night at Crisis. Diss due tomorrow? Crisis. 9am Thursday morning? Crisis. Dogs died? Crisis. It is the answer to all their problems, however maybe not so much the morning after.

‘Uniform’

This species’ “uniform” is their green sports jacket or player layer, Canterbury trousers, socks and sliders, whether it’s Monny P to bang out an essay the day before its due or Lenton Sainsbury’s for an overpriced food shop. It’s versatile enough to work for both, and that’s why they love it!

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For the summer variation of this look, they will be switching out the Canterbury’s for Tom Trunks, encouraging them to channel their inner posh boy. Posh summer fuck boys can be the most ruthless.

I’m not sure whether it’s the Vitamin D that’s gives them the ego boost or the summer internship they bagged at J.P. Morgan but they definitely have another layer of confidence.

Location is key

There is no doubt in my mind that the typical notts fresher boy is most definitely a campus boy. You’ll catch them residing in Derby or Cripps Hall moving in herds, sort of like wildebeest, I guess.

However, once they move to second year and above, you would not catch them dead in Beeston. Derby Road and the triangle is their favoured spot especially for a nice loud pres.

Style (or not)

Hair is a boy’s makeup, hence why their go-to style is a mullet. Statement enough to make them stand out, yet still maintaining the status quo. From the front, the mullet suggests they are somewhat responsible enough to make their 9am after a long night of moving loose. The back on the other hand, perpetuates this image of chaos and questionable decisions. The mullet isn’t just a hairstyle, it’s a lifestyle.

Personally, I would suggest keeping your distance, but accidents happen and we won’t judge you for it.