Listen up lads: Here are Notts’ girls biggest icks
For all the boys we’ve left on read before
We’ve all been there, sat opposite someone thinking we’re on the verge of falling in love when suddenly, out of no where, they manage to do one tiny thing that is an immediate cause for concern. This is called getting the ‘ick’ and once you do, there’s no going back.
Icks are petty and trivial but for some people they’re enough to make it into a funny story on their group chat. You probably don’t even realise the consequence of your mundane actions but, just know, they can make us go from 100 to zero real quick.
Like it or not, icks are a thing. Especially for Notts girls it seems, much to the dismay of your tinder matches or potential campus crushes. I asked Notts students for some of their biggest icks so you can avoid them or play up to them, you can decide for yourself.
“When they flex their trust fund”
Who knew some of your course mates would sound like they stepped straight off the set of Downton Abbey when your firmed Notts as a clueless Year 13? Not me.
“Boys on Wind scooters”
The thought of them toppling over on Derby Road is enough to make you refresh your memory of the block button.
The extra five minutes they have to walk to get onto campus really doesn’t work in their favour. God forbid he books anUber home after a night out and you see Broadgate Park as the final destination.
“Green Player Layers”
With Superdry jumpers coming a close second as Notts girls least favourite clothing item of choice, a green sport Player Layer jumper is anything but a green flag. Yes, we clock the sport you play on your arm. No, it doesn’t make us want your number.
“Wheeling their Lidl shopping in a basket”
Picture the scene: they pick a dodgy basket that doesn’t wheel properly so their food topples out at the front of the queue. Ick. Ick. Ick.
You’ll need a fair few to get you feeling any kind of drunk but we’ll need even more than you to forget about the fact you’re drinking Hooch. There’s nothing wrong with a pint, Jager bomb or cocktail.
“Wearing a shirt and tie to Crisis”
This is a sure sign they’re in a society – unless they are just channeling their inner Christian Grey on a Wednesday night out.
“Posting on social media”
It’s one thing posting a group photo from a night out but it’s another thing entirely when they post a 360 video their barber took of their haircut on their story or worse, they caption a gym selfie with “get at me for workout plans”. We aren’t asking for much; no really. A following of less than 400 will suit us just fine.
“Navy and checked bedsheets”
You can blame your mum raiding the M&S sale last Christmas all you like, Navy or checked, or west Navy AND checked, are still an ick for a vast number of girls. We know the navy hides the stains that have accumulated over the past two months since you last washed them but the checked pattern is far from our idea of an interior design master piece.
“Skinny jeans, specifically ripped ones”
What have they got going for them? They aren’t even comfortable. From now on, it’s joggers and any jeans that don’t leave much to the imagination. Got it?
“Getting chased by a goose on campus”
It surely says a lot about the boy if a goose decided to attack him. This unknown goose must have been this girls guardian angel for allowing her to escape the wild goose chase that is ‘the talking stage’.
“When they whip their tops around at Ocean”
It’s a staple moment of an Ocean night out but you don’t see us counting down the seconds until the Baywatch theme comes on. It makes the club even more of a sauna than it already was and we can smell your Lynx Africa from a mile away.
“When they ask questions at the end of lectures”
We can tell when the question is pre-rehearsed, we can also tell when you’re just asking because you like to fill the lecture hall with the sound of your own voice. It’s a strong no from us.
“Staring over the balcony at Crisis”
I don’t know if the ick comes from them being an egotist with a Snapchat score surpassing 1,000,000 or if it’s the awkward eye contact you make from a few meters down. But just know, it makes us want to be six feet under where we already are.
“If they do rugby, football or any annoying sport”
I don’t know what defines a sport as being ‘annoying’. Perhaps any where a ball is involved, in which case it’s most of them. It’s just another reason to not wear your green Player Layers around campus.
“Having a beer in Lenton rec whilst wearing a bucket hat”
If this doesn’t scream “I go to UoN” I don’t know what does. Special mention to the boys who whip out their bucket hat when its only eight degrees. They’re keeping the summer dream alive I guess.
“Being a Jäger rep”
“Do you want any shots girls?” “No.” “They’re three for a fiver.” “Still no.” Sorry.
“When they always talk about the gym”
Just beating showing you their folder of dedicated selfies of them and their dog, having an infatuation with the gym is clearly an ick for some girls. No we don’t care what protein powder you use, nor do we want to watch you dry scoop it.
“When they have those little white bits around their mouths”
We can’t quite tell if it’s tooth paste or an accumulation of what you ate for lunch. Either way, the second hand embarrassment makes us want to act like your mum and discretely pass you a tissue to rectify the problem.
“Going to Trent”
There’s no where you’ll feel less at home in Notts than when walking through the Arboretum. It’s clearly a rule of thumb for many UoN girls to not sleep with the enemy.
“When they’re desperate for an invite to parties”
We all know someone who is the permanent plus one. It seems like we’re all looking for a social butterfly who isn’t overly social. Do they even exist?
“When you invite them back but they only talk about Brexit”
This isn’t exactly a great end to the night, an intoxicated lecture on politics. Make sure you research who you vote for just so you can form a compelling argument if you land youself in this exact situation.
Do you prefer long or short hair? If you can’t decide then you’re in the exact same boat as boys with mullets. Who knew a haircut came with an an obligatory signet ring and vintage jumper?
You can tell a lot about a person by the state of their nails. To all the boys who look like they’ve been digging a tunnel to lectures through the Downs, it’s a strong no from us.
“An inability to work circuit laundry”
There’s only one thing worse than a green Player Layer and that’s a smelly, sweaty and dirty green Player Layer. Did your parents never teach you what laundry detergent is?
Maybe they think it’s edgy or maybe they claim they were so out of it they don’t remember it happening. Or worse, maybe they Youtubed tutorials and did it themselves. We’ll never know and quite honestly, we don’t really want to.
Have they never heard of the phrase “treat em mean, keep em keen”? Clearly not.