Here are 11 disasters that are guaranteed to happen in a second year Notts uni house

Live, Laugh, Lenton

2 years ago

So you’ve upgraded to your own student house. 2am fire alarms, shitty hall food and circuit laundry are now nothing but a hazy memory from the long distant past. You’ve viewed about ten equally poor uni houses, and have decided to go for the one with the closest proximity to your favourite Notts club.

What could possibly go wrong? You better have your parents on the other end of the phone at all times to have a very strong worded conversation with your landlord when inevitably something breaks. Here are some disasters that are bound to happen in your second year Notts uni house.

1. You’ll witness some very questionable cooking skills

This is especially true if you were lucky enough to be catered in your first year. There’s always someone who’s somehow managed to make it through 19 years of their life without learning how to cook pasta. At some point, someone will almost burn the house down and you’ll never let them forget it.

Bon appetit x

2. Letting agents and landlords will become your biggest enemy

They are nowhere to be found when your tumble dryer’s broken but suddenly here they are at your door with a group of freshers for a house viewing they told you nothing about. When you think you’re finally free of them when your contract ends, prepare to spend four months fighting for your deposit back.

Modern interior design?

3. Someone will insist on making a cleaning rota

What uni student actually sticks to a cleaning rota. A* for effort but let’s face it, it’s not lasting longer than two weeks. Just kills the uni vibes, we like living in squalor.

Who’s turn is it to take the bins out?

4. MOULD

You will find mould in places you didn’t think it was possible to get mould. Growing faster than your student debt. You’ll spend valuable degree time googling how to get rid of it and probably still be none the wiser.

How is this even possible

5. You’ll fall out over something stupid

Even if your housemates are your best friends, 24/7 spent in their presence will inevitably lead you to eventually bicker over something, including but not limited to: someone never taking the bin out, whose hair is clogging up the shower, people shutting the front door too loudly after a night out, people doing other things too loudly after a night out, putting the heating on too much, not putting the heating on enough, whose fault it is that the wifi’s going slow.

It will normally be resolved after a few passive aggressive messages in the group chat, all ended with “xxx” just so you all know you love each other really.

6. At some point someone will leave the freezer door open or it will just randomly stop working

Everyone will have their own theory over whose fault it was, but that doesn’t matter, you’re all having fish fingers and potato wedges for breakfast, lunch & dinner anyway.

7. You’ll spend all your time judging your housemates weird habits

You thought a year spent in halls together had taught you all you needed to know about your housemates but suddenly you’re finding out you live with people who boil onions, sleep in socks and shower facing the water and are left questioning all your life choices.

The only appropriate footwear for a uni house

8. You’ll also spend a silly amount of time transferring silly amounts of money

Pro Tip: download a money transferring app. Life is too short to be transferring someone 7p every time the living room fairy lights need new batteries.

9. You’ll hate your neighbours

“Let’s make friends with the neighbours” you said when you moved in. In reality the only contact you’ll ever have with them is the awkward doorstep interaction when they take a parcel in for you and the sound of their terrible music taste that you’ll spend the whole year complaining about.

10. Your artistic vision for the décor never really lives up to expectation

Admit it, you started a Pinterest board the minute you signed your housing contract. But then you move in and realise Zara Home is actually daylight robbery and one of you is having a nervy b about marks on the walls losing you your deposit. In the end you’ll decide that some fairy lights and a wilting house plant will probably suffice.

Putting up some fairy lights to cover up the mouldy walls

11. Something pretty big will break and will never end up getting fixed

Either your landlord is ghosting your messages or maybe you’ve just come to accept this new standard of living. Who needs a bathroom door handle anyway? That definitely sounds like something that can wait until someone’s dad picks them up and offers to fix it.