Birmingham’s a better place to live than London

I say “Birmingham” – you say “Brummaaiiyy”: don’t forget to start low and sing-song your way through the vowels.

I have no problem with this association, and rather like to emphasise it myself on occasion, particularly when I happen to lapse into my Brummie dialect, and people say, “What accent is that?” Apologies for the little “Yeh fam,” and “innit blud,” phrases; they just kind of slip out.

I love being a Brummie. In fact, I like to think I own it. There’s nothing more thrilling than announcing over a casual vodka and coke that you once had a gun thrown in your back garden and watching everyone’s reaction. Unfortunately I always have to pair it with the “although I was too young to remember,” follow-up, but it’s worth it for the initial impact.

Not that I am at all implying that every Brummie has first-hand experience with crime – I just like to dramatise the classic stereotype that Birmingham is just a chavvier version of London. However, I have the privilege of calling it my “hometown” and here’s why it’s the best place to live.

For starters, if you want some PROPER Indian take-away curry, then Birmingham’s your place. Seriously, try nearly any Indian restaurant, you won’t be disappointed. Just wait until you see the family-size naan breads in Akbars – they’re a real game changer.

And America may claim to have the gorgeous Robert Downey Jr, but the original Iron Man is right here in Victoria Square. Try standing there for twenty years straight, Mr Stark.

The public transport and traffic

There’s nothing like walking onto a bus and being choked by the green cloud that is obviously weed. I mean, talk about yolo. And let’s not forget the pop-corn-deserving performances of people trying to scooch off the bus past the ticket inspector, and the old man in cowboy boots who thinks he’s still young enough to reach the upper-deck Badass Backseats. Good for you my friend, live the dream.

And what better way to ease your mum into hearing that new Drake song when you’re slugging your way up the Bristol Road trying to get to town in rush hour traffic? “Started from the bottom now we’re…still here.”

The hospital

OK, so our Queen Elizabeth hospital may look like three toilet seats from afar, but at least we can claim to having treated Nobel-Prize winner Malala Yousafzai. It’s part of one of the biggest healthcare campuses in the world holding 1,213 in-patient hospital beds and providing direct clinical services to over 800,000 people a year. Not to mention, it has a great view from the top.

Speaking of views, fly to the top of Birmingham City Library (or what my sister likes to call the “birdcage”) for a fantastic view of town. The inside is incredible, all 31,000 square metres of it, hence why it attracts 3.5 million visitors a year. If Birmingham’s good enough for Malala then it’s good enough for you.

Photo courtesy of Tash Scott

Grand Central

Then step into the mouth of the whale we now know as Grand Central. Don’t ask me why we decided to name our fantastically re-furbished train station “Grand Central” but it is very grand, and it is pretty, well, central. Granted I get lost every time I go but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t look fabulous on the inside. Restaurants, shops and more – it’s like they don’t want you to leave.

The bullring

Everyone groans “Obvious!” “Easy!” – but that’s because it is. Literally every time I go to the Bullring I have to pause-then-scooch past a camera-yielding tourist in between shots of their friend who has their hand on the nose of the bull (which doesn’t actually have a ring in it). The name “bullring” actually derives from the area’s history as a bullbaiting site, and the “ring” refers to the iron hoop that the bulls were tied to before being slaughtered. Nice.

But anyway, what I think is best about the bull is what’s behind it (and no, I don’t mean ‘squad’ photo-bombing) – the shops. Who needs Oxford Street when River Island, Topshop, New Look, Hollister and more are right here? Everything you ever need is right where you need it: whether you’re going for a meal out with friends, need some books for studying or just want to shop like mad then this is where you go. It’s certainly the life of the city and you’re bound to be there every other week to top up your wardrobe.

The people

But aside from all the tourist attractions and amazing nights out, what I love most about Birmingham is the sheer friendliness of the people. Needless to say, heed my mother’s advice and be careful to avoid the “oh-too-friendly ones,” but if we forget about the creeps for a sec, rest assured that you’ll never come out of a corner-shop without a strong “Y’alright bab?” or a “Have a nice daiii,” from the shopkeeper not to mention a good few chapters of their entire life-story.

It’s definitely a place where anyone is welcome to find a home and I couldn’t recommend it enough other than by leaving you with the immortal words of Malala Yousafzai: “This city is the beating heart of England.”