The night we pretended to be freshers

We ended up even more smashed than last year

Some say the magic of freshers’ week wears off after your first year, but it doesn’t have to be that way. 

With a wiser outlook and a deeper Manchester knowledge we decided to relive the classic fresher evening.

Awkward pres, Squirrels, a Magic Bus and of course a fantastic club night awaited.


So we started the night at our second year pre-drinks. Normally freshers would be spending their loans on classy bottles of Smirnoff, but being second years ,we knew this isn’t how the year turns out.

As a homage to our freshers year we took the pilgrimage to New Zealand Wines to purchase the classic two for £5 wines.

But to the horror of second years everywhere inflation has clearly hit Fallowfield,

Prices have now risen to an extortionate £6, leaving us with less money for Jägerbombs.

Just to add some grim variety we also threw a bottle of Sainsbury’s Basic Rosé into the mix.

Breaking the bank

Not ideal


Now fairly confident in our sudden drunken state, we took it upon ourselves to stride around Squirrels, speaking to everyone and anyone in the freshers’ spirit.

We’d even created back stories of different courses and home towns, and a sob story about how we didn’t make it into halls, as not to get caught out.

We moved to a few different tables, chatting away to unassuming freshers and nodding along when discussing their confusion at all the different clubs in Manchester.

It was hard to avoid giving a pitying look when they even mentioned the sick night that is Lightboxx.

Freshers friends!!!

We also discovered Squirrels have replaced the shitty hot dog machine, and invested in a new Nachos stand, something which would we could have benefited from greatly last year, thanks guys.

Fuq yo nachos


We will never, ever want to know how many people are on the back seat of the fucking bus.

Stop it

Student Union

We arrived at the SU slightly worse for wear but ready to take on the best night in Manchester: Why not Wednesdays.

Stumbling up the stairs we clocked straight away that the place was obviously completely dead.

Doors shut, no screaming freshers, it seemed the WNW dream had died. There was supposed to be a bouncy castle and everything.

But, undeterred we clambered into a taxi (where Liv seemed to hand over her credit card details for a discounted fare) and declared our next destination.

Want my card details? Of course!


Our patient taxi driver dropped us off outside Factory – Bassface’s new home – just in time for us to get last entry tickets. This is when we realised, we had found the freshers.

We pushed our way to the smoking area, and straight into an adorably fresh couple.

Young luv xox

Soz for cock blocking

Freshaz Sqwaad

Back inside, we decided to make the most of the night, perhaps a tad too much. The rest of the evening is slightly blurry, but obviously we took upon ourselves to make as many fresher friends as possible.

Ryan and his new girlfriend

Lovely guy

Who is this?

Going home

This definitely involved a visit to Mega Chicken, although this has only been confirmed by witnesses. Sorry Paz.